Shining Brightly
by NeonDomino
Summary: There are two ways to deal with an unwanted Squib - either take their life or take their memory. It's a good thing that Orion was the one to make the choice. Squib!AU - Sirius' memories are taken away and he wakes up in hospital with no idea who he is or where he's from. Meanwhile, Regulus strives to help his brother whilst dealing with an attraction to James Potter.
1. Chapter 1

**Written for:**

The Houses Competition

House: Hufflepuff

Position: Year 7

Category: AU

Prompt: Squib!AU

Word Count: 1964 words

**Also written for:**

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry - Voodoo - 11 - Write about something or someone that isn't what it seems. (It seems like Amnesia and memory loss, but is Obliviate)

* * *

**Notes/Warnings:**

**This is an AU where Sirius is a squib. Since he's a squib, he didn't go to Hogwarts.**

It's canon for some pure-blood families to erase the Squibs from their family tree. However, I've added in a type of Child Protection or Squib Protection for my story. Seventeen years old is considered an adult in the magical world.

There are many reasons to obliviate a Squib. As this is from Sirius' POV, I can't write too much into it because the thoughts are not his, nor the reasoning. He expected to walk out of his home, so his thoughts wouldn't go elsewhere to the other options a magical family would take.

In these circumstances, there are many reasons that Walburga and Orion would have done this. I imagine they'd have hidden Sirius from the world upon realising he's a Squib. The embarrassment for a start. Not wanting the burden of him anymore and not wanting the risk of anyone finding out about him. Perhaps they realise Sirius would never be completely gone from their lives because he'd never truly abandon Regulus. The only way to erase Sirius would be to take away his identity. (That or kill him because I have no doubts that it's been done in the past, further up the family tree when a Squib has appeared).

As for Hope: we don't canonly know Hope Lupin's job. I imagine her as a very caring person who goes to church often and does charity work. So having her as a nurse is quite fitting for how I picture the mother of Remus.

* * *

**Shining Brightly**

* * *

_Sirius clutches his bag, ready to depart. The Squib Protection Law has changed over the years, thankfully forcing his parents to protect him until this point._

_But he's seventeen today, an adult, and the law protects him no longer._

_He knows they won't allow him to stay out of the goodness of their hearts. Orion's heart has shrivelled over the years and he suspects Walburga never had one to begin with._

_He heads downstairs into the dark entrance hall, his eyes on the front door. He doesn't see the wand pointed his way. He doesn't realise his parents have been waiting for this moment for years. There are only two ways to truly hide the existence of a Squib. The first is death. The other is taking away their identity completely._

_The last thing he hears is his father's voice._

_"Obliviate."_

...oOo...

The first face he sees when he opens his eyes is that of a pretty blonde woman.

"Where am I?" he asks. The _'who am I?'_ also finds his lips, but he holds the question back. He asked that yesterday, but nobody knew. He tries to push down the panic as he glances around at the hospital room. He had panicked before and they had been forced to restrain him. He wants to avoid that as much as possible.

"In the hospital, dear," the woman says, a bright smile on her lips as she turns to him, slightly surprised that he's talking. "I'm just finishing my rounds. Is there anything you need?" She observes him with startling amber eyes for a long moment, but he doesn't reply. "How are you feeling?" she adds.

After his outburst the previous day, he had refused to speak to anyone, so he understands the nurse's surprise. But she looks kind and he feels so alone. He needs someone to talk to, to confide in, and this woman has a motherly way about her that he feels a longing for.

"A bit… scared," he admits. "I don't have a name."

She's clearly saddened by this and doesn't even try to hide it. He finds it unusual that she portrays her feelings so opening, but he doesn't quite understand why. Perhaps something else in his brain is affected besides his memory? Thinking too much about it will break the frail wall holding the panic back.

"What do you know?" she asks.

He glances at her name-tag. _Hope_. That's a sign if he's ever seen one. Hope to figure this puzzle out, perhaps? Hope for the future? He'll take any of those. Even if it's not a sign, he's going to cling to it with both hands as though it was.

"Nothing. I… woke up here and couldn't remember a single thing about myself," he explains. "No name, I don't know what colour my hair is and when I speak, I don't recognise this voice."

"I can't begin to imagine," she murmurs. "Perhaps for now, you could choose a name for yourself?"

"I wouldn't know where to start."

Hope smiles. "Your chart says there are some markings on your arm. Perhaps take a look at those. If you don't have a name by the time I return tomorrow, I'll help you with one," she offers. "Do you like reading? Drawing? Is there anything I can get you?"

"Why are you being so kind?" he asks.

Hope's smile widens. "I have a son I imagine is around your age. If something ever happened to him, I hope that there's someone kind enough to help him until I find him," she explains.

"How old is he?" he demands urgently. Maybe they won't be the same age, but at least he'll have some idea of his own. An approximation is better than nothing.

"My boy is sixteen," Hope says. He feels the weird longing again as Hope mentions her son. The pride in her voice is obvious and she's not even listing an achievement of his. He doesn't understand why he longs for that same pride. Maybe he's just longing for his own mother.

Yes, that must be it.

Hope must notice something in his expression, because she reaches out slowly for his hand. He doesn't move to stop her, merely turning his own over so she can hold it. At her touch, the longing intensifies and he wonders if he was ever close with his own mother. He longs for Hope to hug him, but knows that if she does, he won't be able to maintain his composure. He silently chastises himself for becoming so attached to a stranger so quickly.

"Someone out there will be looking for you," she insists gently.

"What if no-one does?" he asks. There's fear pushing against him, fighting all of his other emotions. It threatens to outweigh the panic. What if he didn't have a family? If he didn't matter to anyone? What if nobody ever came for him? The fear and the panic threaten to twist together, to overtake him, but Hope is like a guardian angel, protecting him from the darkness these emotions bring.

"Then I'll look out for you," she promises. "I'll come back with some things for you. You won't do this alone, dear."

He's aware that he has no name which she can call him, but _'dear'_ works. The way it comes naturally for her, he imagines she uses it on her own son.

The scary emotions are back behind the wall, though he's not sure he can keep them there for too long.

...oOo...

He stares at the reflection in the mirror and unfamiliar grey eyes look back at him. He can see the fear he feels shining from them like a beacon. He reaches up and the image does the same, both of them tucking a black curl back behind an ear at the exact moment.

It's unreal. This person in the mirror is him, but he feels like he's looking at a stranger. He turns away, taking off the hospital robe as he does. He has a lot more to examine. The panic is there, but he fights against it. He's examining it so he can try and pick a suitable name afterwards. He wants to give Hope something to call him. He wants a name for his charts.

He knows he can't take too long—other people will want to take showers too, but he can't help himself. He moves strange limbs, examining the muscles and freckles. He takes in some faint scars and wonders if he'll ever find out how he got them. Finally he examines his arm where small stars were drawn in black ink. Aside from the stars, there's nothing to give him any clues about his past.

Except that he liked stars.

He traces them for a long moment before walking over to the shower and turning the knob as a nurse showed him minutes ago. The concept of using a shower feels strange to him as though he had never had to deal with them before. Perhaps he was a bath person before?

He waits for the water to warm up before stepping under the spray. He twists the knob to add a little more heat, and suddenly feels the weight of everything catching up to him.

He wants to drop to the floor, to curl up as the water hits his skin, but he doesn't let himself do that. He can do that tomorrow, and when tomorrow comes, he'll tell himself the same thing until he's strong enough to not whisper it like a mantra. If he can hold on for today, that's his goal, his achievement. When his family comes, he can tell them how strong he was.

The whispering does help. Focusing on the words forces the horrible questions from his mind. "One day at a time," he murmurs, letting the words out over and over until he feels his breathing regulate.

It doesn't stop the panic completely, but he's able to handle standing under the water, to keep the tears from his cheeks as he reaches for the sponge. He pours some wash onto it and begins to clean himself, hesitating at the stars on his arm.

He leaves them. He knows they'll fade soon, but it's his only link to his past and he can't bring himself to lose them just yet.

...oOo...

Hope returns as promised. She brings a stack of books, some felt-tips, pens and a pad of blank paper. She also brings a notebook with her and some chocolate.

He can't help but be grateful. He's not sure about anything in his past, but there's a lingering feeling that he's not used to this degree of kindness. He tries to push the feeling away. He doesn't want to make any judgements. The only thing he's sure of right now is that Hope is a wonderful mum, and her son is very lucky to have her.

He fights the jealousy that rears up—it's an ugly emotion, and he's trying not to feel those. He's trying to be strong and focus on the good.

Hope sets the empty tote bag on the empty chair. "Do you have a name yet?"

He shakes his head. "I did find this," he admits, presenting his arm. Hope stares at the stars for a long moment.

"It's the only clue I have," he continues. "Stars. Why stars?"

"My son was named for a mythological wolf," Hope murmurs, her eyes still on the stars. "Do you want me to think of something for you?"

He nods eagerly. A name until he remembers his real one. A name to put to the face in the mirror. It made sense for Hope to have some input—mothers named children. People didn't name themselves.

She considers names for a moment, a thoughtful look crossing her face and he watches her, waiting to see what she comes up with.

"Orion," she finally offers. "He was a huntsman that Zeus placed amongst the stars as a…" she trails off as he shakes his head in a panic. He doesn't like that name—something about it makes him feel uneasy, panicked, sick.

Hope smiles reassuringly. "Well, do you know much about mythology?" she asks, changing the subject.

He shakes his head. "I'd like to." He recognises the change of topic for what it is: a distraction.

"Well, I've always been fascinated. Let me start with the story of Hades and Persephone." She settles into the chair next to him and begins the story.

He listens, fascinated.

...oOo...

"What if I wasn't a good person before… before? What if I hurt people… or… or what if I—"

"You'll know in your heart," Hope assures him. It's her third visit, day four of his loss of memories, and she's sitting at his side instead of going home. "You have a good heart, anyone can see that. You choose your future, dear. You choose who you want to be."

She's right. She's always right. He could've done bad things in the past, and wouldn't know until his family turned up. But that didn't mean he couldn't be a good person in the future.

"I've thought of a lovely name," she tells him. "It's not mythological or from any of the stories, but it does have a nice sound to it."

He waits eagerly.

"Eridanus," she offers. "It's the name of a star." Somehow he already knew it was a star, but he doesn't know how.

"Eridanus," he echoes. "Eri." He smiles. It's not his real name, but it's something. It's a start until he remembers who he really is.

Hope smiles at him, pleased at his reaction. "Eri," she murmurs. "Now you have a name, I can properly introduce you to my son. He'll be by soon to pick me up."

Eridanus smiles. "I can't wait," he replies. He imagines that any son of Hope must have a heart as kind as hers and can't wait to make a friend.

* * *

**So, this story was written for something, so I had to end it there because of word count.**

**Good news for those interested - I am making this an MC. I've already half written the next chapter.**

**And yes, it will be WolfStar!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am determined to finish this MC. Then finish my others!**

* * *

"Eridanus," he says, looking at the stranger. The stranger silently mouths his new name and Eri watches. "Eri," he adds, watching the reflection's lips move.

A new name has made it slightly easier for him. The person who looked in the mirror previously had no name, no identity. That stranger was no-one.

But now he has a new name, to go along with the new - well, he assumes he's always looked this way, but seemingly new - face. If he knew his real name, he may think the face doesn't fit the name, but this face looks like an Eridanus.

Hope insists he can choose his own surname, and he's tempted by hers. Lupin. _Eridanus Lupin_ sounds nice, but he reminds himself that she's just a kind nurse. Yes, she's someone willing to look out for him, and perhaps when he's out of here, he can still pop in and see her. But he may have to do this alone.

He's trying to decide between surnames at the moment. Maybe someone will come before he does, they'll tell him his real name and he won't have to think about this anymore, but there's still that darkness inside, whispering that no-one wants him.

He stares at the grey eyes in the mirror and tells this stranger — tells himself — that someone out there has noticed that he's missing. He's sure of it. He knows someone is searching for him. He doesn't know if he believes the words, but maybe one day he will.

"Eridanus Seren," he tries, wanting to distract himself. "Hi, I'm Eridanus Seren." The name doesn't roll of his tongue as he had hoped. Seren is _star_ in Welsh and he had liked the idea of having something Welsh in his name, so when he looked back on this day, he'd remember this little part of the world.

He doesn't really have any other surnames to try. Maybe Welsh isn't the way to go - perhaps another star related word?

"Atlas," he murmurs, knowing that it's the name of a moon. "Cupid; Naiad; Neso." Nothing grabs his attention, so he draws his gaze back to Eridanus in the mirror. "Eridaunus Neso," he tries, but it doesn't have a nice ring to it.

Something short would suit him best, he decides. He takes a deep breath. If he remembers the names of a lot of moons, there has to be something else in his head. At least he knows that the past-him likes space and stars and moons. He smiles, glad to have figured one thing out at least.

"Ara," he murmurs. A constellation. "Eridanus Ara." It sounds a little better, but he's still not sure about it. Part of him wants to wait and see if something defines him to use as a surname, but the other part realises that he can't take control of his life without this. He has no identity. He's only just a first-name on all of the charts now. He needs a proper identity, even if it's only temporary. "Eridanus Vela."

Again, a nice name. But… it doesn't feel right. He takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly. Stars and constellation names run through his mind and he searches for one that'll work as a surname. He likes Eris, but unfortunately Eridanus Eris doesn't work at all. Perhaps it could be another nickname?

"Eridanus Canis," he murmurs. The words don't flow as well as he would have hoped - especially with the double-s on the end, but something about this name sticks out. It's grabbed his attention and he likes it. "Eridanus Majoris. Eridanus Major." He feels like he's on the right track now. One of these would work well for him.

He straightens. "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Eridanus Canis. I'm Eri Canis." He pauses, letting it sink in before attempting again. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Eridanus Major. Eri Major." He feels a little stupid talking to his reflection, but hearing the words aloud helps, plus there is no-one there to hear him.

He likes both equally. Perhaps Hope would have an opinion that could help him choose. But it's a surname. It's one step closer to becoming someone.

He watches himself for a long moment. He's not as freaked out as before, but it's still unsettling to look into a mirror and not know the person staring back. Maybe he's not freaked out, but it's going to take a very long time to feel comfortable when looking. It'll take a long time for him to look at that face and acknowledge that it's him, without having to stare or feel unsettled.

He hopes that one day the face will be familiar enough.

There is the same panic there as before though, seeping into him like black smoke, but he fights against it. This moment is an achievement. He's been strong enough to handle this reflection. He's picked a name. He's going to celebrate this moment, not allow the panic to take him over.

One day at a time.

...oOo…

Eridanus is just finishing up his lunch and considering eating some of his chocolate when he hears the doors to the ward shut with a thud.

This ward doesn't tend to get many visitors during lunch-time. Eri stands from the chair he was sitting in, and walks over to the door, peeking out. He wonders if Hope has returned so he can run the surnames by her.

The sight that meets him is a boy around his own age - sixteen or seventeen. He's seen a few guys around his own assumed age here already, so that's nothing new. But what's new is this attraction he's feeling. This guy… he's something else.

The other teenager hasn't noticed Eri yet. He's busy looking for something in his pocket, frowning as he does so, but the frown is adorable. There's no annoyance or anger, merely confusion as to why he can't find whatever the item is.

Eridanus is captivated. His long fingers wrap around the doorframe as he continues staring. Even without his memory, he's certain he's never seen someone so completely beautiful. He's sure this is what love at first sight feels like.

He quickly realises that he's gay. If he's attracted to another guy, he must be. He expects to feel something big at this revelation, but it's just so easy for him to accept. He wonders if his previous self knew. He probably would have known, which is why finding out isn't so hard to accept.

There were a few pretty female nurses there too, but Eridanus had barely glanced their way and now he understands why. He knows without question where his attraction lays.

It's not like when he looked in the mirror and saw a stranger, this information goes deeper than that.

He isn't expecting the amber eyes to glance up, finding his. The confusion makes way for the warmest of smiles and Eridanus can't pull his gaze away, even if he wanted to.

"Hi." The guy approaches. "Are you okay?"

Eridanus nods his head. He recalls Hope's stories and wonders if this is how Hades felt when he first saw Persephone for the first time. If Hades felt even a fraction of what Eri feels right now, than Eri can understand better why he wanted to take Persephone away.

"I am," he confirms. "I feel like Hades."

The guy looks surprised at the words. "You do?" he asks curiously. "Why is that?"

Eridanus nods his head. "When he laid eyes upon Persephone for the first time, is this how he felt?" It's not a pick-up line, it's a genuine question. Okay, maybe it's a little bit of a pick-up line, but that doesn't make it any less real. He's not lying about how he's feeling right now.

The stranger's eyes widen at the comment. Clearly he wasn't expecting this answer, but he doesn't shy away. There's no disgust or disinterest in his eyes and Eridanus takes that as a win. He feels bolder now and straightens up.

"So, is this your polite way of saying you're about to kidnap me?" Amber-eyes asks shyly. He's into this, Eridanus can tell. He's glad he took the risk - he didn't know how many people were aware of Greek Mythology, but Hope had assured him it was a popular tale.

"If that's what you're into." He reaches out, gently enclosing his hand around the other teen's wrist, and tugs him into the room. He's not forceful, his hold isn't tight, but Amber-eyes walks in, clearly unable to hide the smile on his lips. The cardigan is soft under Eri's touch.

"And since you're now in my domain, this is where I tempt you with delicious things to keep you here," Eridanus continues. He gestures for the guy to sit down, before he opens the nearby chocolate bar, breaking the pieces up.

There are twelve, but the beautiful stranger before him knows how this works. Six means they're together half of the time. He hopes his new-found love takes all twelve. He wonders if it'll be that easy. Even if it isn't, this is a wonderful distraction from the darkness of his life. He wants it to be more than a distraction. This can be a light that takes away the darkness. Love is stronger than anything, he's learnt that from all of the stories and believes it more than anything.

"I'm Eri, by the way," Eridanus says, testing out his new name. He doesn't offer a surname yet, as he's still considering which one to use.

Before his guest can answer, Hope appears in the doorway. "There you are."

Eridanus doesn't reply - where else would he have been? "What's going on?" she continues, looking between the pair.

"I'm waiting to see how many pieces he eats," Eridanus explains, trying not to be impatient. "He's my Persephone." The surname question can wait for now, he's found something more important. Love.

"Like… Hades and Persephone?" Hope's curious smile widens now and she looks delighted. Eri understands this - she seems like the sort that lives for romance. It's something they have in common and they've discussed in detail the stories she's told him over the last few days.

Eri nods, his gaze darting back to the uneaten chocolate. His guest was just about to eat it, he was so sure of that - but now he looked embarrassed, his cheeks flushing red.

Eri silently decides he looks even more beautiful.

"Eri, this is my son, Remus. Remus, this is Eridanus." Eri's gaze darts around to the woman.

Eridanus looks at Hope for a long moment before turning to Remus. They have the same amber eyes, though Eri would love to stare into Remus' for hours. He remembers his thoughts earlier - that any child of Hope's would have a kind heart like hers, and he doesn't regret his choice. If he married Remus, Hope would be his mother-in-law. Of course he would marry Remus, even if Hope wasn't his mother. But this way it's like a bonus.

"I hope you're not going to pull a Demeter," he murmurs instead, crossing his arms across his chest. He wonders if Hope would approve of him dating her son - if she even knows her son is attracted to guys, because Eri can see it in Remus' eyes, the flash of attraction. There isn't much else he can offer Remus right no - no stories of his past, no discussing interests. Eri doesn't know enough about himself to offer anything like that.

But he'll hopefully have something to talk about for next time. Even if the only thing they have in common so far is Greek Mythology.

Hope laughs. It's a beautiful sound and Eri wonders if Remus' laugh is similar. But the thoughts take a dark turn again - he finds himself wondering what his own mother sounds like when she laughs. Was it as pleasant as Hope's, or perhaps she was the sort to snort. Maybe she was stern and didn't laugh as often as Hope.

He absently reaches for a square of chocolate, suddenly at a loss on what to do. His fingers clench around the discarded wrapper and he misses the look that Hope gives Remus.

He doesn't see the wand behind him and doesn't see the frown on Remus' face as he slips it back into his sleeve a moment later.

"You know," Hope says, causing Eri to look towards her, devoid of any hope. He's feeling lost again and doesn't know what to do now. He doesn't want to break down in front of Remus and Hope but he's not sure if he can stop himself.

"What?" he asks. Panic is nipping at his heels now. His parents haven't come and they never will. He's really all alone.

"That was my son's chocolate bar," Hope insists. "You ate one piece, so I think that makes /you/ Persephone."

Eri considers this. He had been picturing himself as the dark, brooding god, reaching for someone who is clearly the embodiment of light and all that is good. But Hope's now comparing him to the beautiful goddess that he pictures Persephone to be. Kind, graceful and full of love. Able to light up the whole underworld with her mere presence. He wonders if Hope sees him so differently than he sees himself. Why would she see him like that?

"What happens if I eat all twelve squares?" he asks. The confidence is gone now and he feels just as shy as Remus sounded only minutes ago. The next question is aimed at Remus. "Do you get to keep me?" He can't help but sound lost rather than whatever it was he was going with.

The question is deeper than Eri expected to ask. He didn't know how long his stay in the hospital would be and he's scared. Scared of the unknown future. But there's the Hades to his Persephone… or the Persephone to his Hades… he's not sure which way they fit, just that he doesn't want to step away from whatever it is that he's found - and he knows that it's something that is just /right/. It's like a light was switched on when his eyes met Remus'.

"Maybe we start with one square, and work our way up to the twelve," Remus offers gently. Eri understands that it's a kind reply, a suggestion that they get to know each other, without a promise of forever. He can handle that. It's not a no. It's a 'let's take this slow and see what happens'. He can do that if that's what Remus wants. In fact, slow is good. He's still fearful and scared, and jumping into a relationship when he doesn't even recognise the body he's in is probably not the best thing to do.

"I have to go, but it's been really nice meeting you," Remus offers. "I'm sorry that I couldn't stay longer - I can't imagine it's much fun here."

"Not at all. I have amnesia so don't really have much to compare it to," Eri admits. "Are you going to come back?" He tries to keep the begging from his voice. He doesn't want Remus to feel burdened by him, but he wants to make sure he returns. How can he get to know his soulmate if his soulmate doesn't come back at the next available opportunity?

Remus nods. "I'll stop in after the library tomorrow," he promises. "Is there anything you want me to bring?"

Eri shakes his head. As long as Remus turns up, that's all he needs. Hope feels like a mother, but she isn't his as much as he wants her to be. A friend on the other hand… that's what he needs. He can't help but wonder how a family could be so kind and sweet. How is he this lucky to find kind people in what he's sure is a cruel world.

He follows Hope and Remus to the door and they say their goodbyes. He's alone again and he strains to hear their voices as they walk away, the ward doors closing behind them.

"I don't know," Remus says to his mother. "It's like there's nothing to heal. There's just nothing… I can't fix it."

Eri wonders what Remus had been trying to fix. His words didn't make any sense, but perhaps they're part of another conversation that he was never privy to. He heads back to his bed and ponders for a while, but it doesn't become any clearer. Instead he thinks again about his surname. He wonders how much it matters because he's going to marry Remus Lupin. He'll be Eridanus Lupin one day.

By the time he lays down to sleep, all twelve pieces of chocolate are gone. Remus might only accept the first, but Eri is ready for the twelve, as insane as it sounds.

He'll make the offer of twelve again. One day, Remus will accept them all. He's not going to give up!

* * *

So... only Sirius can go from "Let's take this slow" to "This is my soulmate and I'm going to marry him"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - please read!**

So, it seems like this story isn't all that popular. I have two routes I can take this down because I still want to complete it, but I'll leave that up to you guys.

The first option is just a simple meet/fall in love story. Less chapters, but then I can move onto something else.

The second option is meet/fall in love and much more! I mean, James Potter may make an appearance (hopefully) in this if I take this route.

So... let me know what you'd prefer - I can get back to other stories if this isn't your cup of tea (I'll be going back to them after this story is done anyway). I just would rather focus on what people would like the most. _I was already torn with which route I wanted to take with this._

Also - I hope you're all okay with the present tense, since I usually only write in past-tense. :)

* * *

**Chapter 3 - Remus**

Because I love looking at both POVs in a story :D

* * *

"How was work?" Hope asks, walking out of the kitchen as the front door shuts behind Remus. It's been that way every day and Remus smiles as he pulls off his cardigan. He's a little tired after working at the library. It's only a couple of days past the full moon and he's not feeling at his best, but the job isn't overly demanding and he doesn't like to let Mildred, the head librarian down.

He leans down slightly as she kisses his cheek in greeting, before following her into the kitchen. Hope returns to the oven and resumes cooking dinner, and Remus drops his cardigan over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and flicks the switch for the kettle. Two cups are already on the counter, as they are every day at this time.

Remus likes the routine they've developed over the years.

"It was quiet," Remus replies, reaching for the teabags and popping one into each mug. "Just the usual really. That guy popped in again." He tries to keep his voice normal, but his mum always sees right through him. He takes a deep breath, enjoying the smell of shepherd's pie that's filling the room.

Hope glances around. "Did you talk to him?"

Remus shrugs. "Only when he was at the counter. Just the usual stuff, nothing new."

Hope turns her attention back to the food. Her son is extremely shy and she wants him to meet someone. She wants him to be happy, to go on dates and go to the cinema and fall in love, but Remus doesn't do that. He shies away from making friends, from dating, from having fun. When he mentioned having a crush on a student who comes to the library, Hope had waited for good news but nothing had happened yet. Unless this other guy makes the first move, nothing will happen.

She wants the best for her son, but doesn't interfere. Him admitting a crush is a start and him admitting it's on a guy is an even bigger thing. It's not a massive deal though - they're both accepting of Remus' sexuality. But that he felt secure in himself enough to come out to them… that's important. Hope wants Remus to feel like he can tell her anything.

"Perhaps next week," she says. Perhaps she could give him a few pointers - suggest a way to initiate a conversation - but indirectly of course. Her son is smart - he just needs the confidence to start talking to his crush. She tells herself to have a think about it after dinner, try and remember a time when she had first met Lyall that could be a good example to tell Remus about, and hope that he be inspired by whatever moment she chooses.

"Maybe." The sound of water pouring from the kettle follows his words, and then she hears the spoon clinking against the cup as he stirs in the sugar and removes the teabags. Hope finishes layering the potato on top of the mince, and puts the dish in the oven. She turns off the hob and sets the used pans in the sink, running water into them.

"How was your day?" Remus asks as he moves the cups to the dining table, pulling out a chair for himself. He sets the other cup by Hope's seat, and angles his chair to face towards where she's stood at the sink. "Leave those, I'll do them after dinner," he adds.

"I met a nice boy today." She can't stay happy as her thoughts turn to the boy in the hospital. He was clearly terrified, panicking. She can't begin to imagine how scary the world would be without memories. She had been warned about his outburst the other day, but she couldn't blame him, plus the questionable scars on his back were enough for them to be required to call social services, if the agency wasn't already involved. "He has amnesia, poor darling. We're just waiting for his family to turn up. He sounds like he's from London or thereabouts so it might take a day or two, but the hospital has put in calls to the London police force and we're working on the hospital network register in case someone calls another hospital looking for him."

"Hospital register?" Remus asks.

Hope nods. "We're allowed to pass on patient information to other hospitals," she begins to explain. "So we have a description of the boy, his age range, physical features, height… anything that could identify him really, and it's put onto a special network that is shared between hospitals. Only hospital staff can see it of course, but it means that if someone in London calls a London hospital, they'd know that he's not there, so they'd check this register to see if he's turned up elsewhere."

"How did he end up in Wales?" Remus asks.

Hope shrugs, turning off the taps and picking up the washing-up sponge. There's a couple of minutes of silence as she quickly washes the two pots she had been using, and finally she sets them on the draining board and walks over to the table, wiping her hands on a hand-towel as she walks. She sits down and reaches for the cup of tea. "We don't know," she tells her son, picking up the conversation again. "Social Services has been to the hospital since it's over twenty-four hours but he doesn't remember anything and they've not needed to see him yet. He's unharmed, so they're only involved because we believe he's under eighteen and are treating him as such unless otherwise confirmed." She leaves out the part about the scars. She doesn't want to worry her son and tell him that they'd have called Social Services for other reasons. She has no proof that parents caused the other scars, he could have been in an accident for all she knows. She tries not to cast judgement without the full story, but in her heart, she can just tell that he's gone through _something_ before the amnesia.

"It must be scary to not remember anything," Remus murmurs, frowning at the idea. "Will his memories come back?"

Hope shrugs. "Of course I shouldn't be discussing anyone's medical information. But I was hoping that if they don't, you could check him over - maybe he had a bump to the head or something?"

Remus nods. "I'll try. I mean, it might be brain related and I don't want to try any spells if that's the case. But I can see if there's an injury the hospital hasn't seen. I might not have the right spells though, but I'll stop by and see what I can do."

Hope nods, happy at the idea. "It's been over twenty-four hours though," she says quietly. "I told him his parents or family would be there. But… If it were you, I'd have called every hospital in Wales and then every hospital in the United Kingdom and anywhere else I could think of, looking for you. Where are his parents that they haven't come looking?"

"Maybe he doesn't have any?" Remus suggests.

Hope shakes her head. "No. He showed up in a nice clean outfit, so he's not homeless. Social Services were checking with the youth centres in case, but… but someone out there knows who he is, where he's from. Someone has to be missing him."

"How old is he?" Remus asks, before realising the mistake. "I mean… roughly?"

"I'd say your age or older. Sixteen, perhaps seventeen," she insists. "I told him to choose a name for himself. It'll help us all if he has something to call himself. There's the panic because he doesn't know who he is, but maybe a name would help. Even if it's not his birth name, it's something. I've never dealt with amnesia before and I'm at a loss on how to really help. I was going to get some books perhaps, or call up a specialist at another hospital for advice. I haven't had a chance to ask around for a name yet though."

"That's a good idea," Remus replies.

"Also, he must be so bored there. Do you have a few books I can bring? Perhaps a notebook or a sketchbook?"

"I have a notebook I bought a couple of weeks ago but didn't use. I can get a new one," Remus says. "It's a big one, it was just for scribbling notes down - there are lots of pages."

"Oh, that'll be perfect - I'll give you the change back," Hope offers.

Remus shakes his head. "It's from _The Works_," he explains. "You know the books there are really cheap." He reaches for his cup, realising it has cooled down enough. He lifts it to his lips and sips it. "I've got a handful of books I was going to bring to the charity shop too. I'll take a look around my room and see what else I have."

"Excellent. I don't know when someone will turn up for him… if they do, and it must be pretty boring being in the hospital alone. I promised he wouldn't do this alone."

Remus smiles. His mother has the kindest heart in the world, and he knows that she's going to get overly invested in helping this stranger until he finds his family. It's one of the many things he loves about her. He's blessed to have a mother like her, because how many Muggle women would accept the darkness that ran through the magical world - such as Lycanthropy?

He's heard stories about parents abandoning and shunning their children because of such an affliction.

Caring as she is, Remus understands how she's become attached to this stranger in the hospital. Family is the most important thing to Hope Lupin, so to see a boy whose family haven't come for him is hard for her. Harder than she is letting on, though he doesn't comment on this. He knows she's not telling him everything about the stranger - he can tell by the way she's talking about him, as though she's not giving the full story.

He's not sure if it's something she doesn't want to discuss, or something she can't discuss, but he doesn't push for more information. She's a nurse, and it might be sensitive. It might be upsetting. She might have just decided it wasn't relevant. Whatever the reason, Remus knows he doesn't have any right to know all of this guy's secrets or history or whatever.

...oOo...

The following morning, Hope drags Remus around the £1 shop before they both go into work. She has a basket and takes her time looking at everything, asking Remus' opinion on each item. Remus answers as best he can, but who wouldn't like notebooks and pens? It's not much, just a few small things, but they hope it's enough to occupy him for a day or two until his family come. Hope's smile is a bit weak whenever she mentions his family, as though she doesn't actually believe they'll turn up.

'If his family comes', Remus can't help but think. Though he tries to push away those thoughts and be positive. It's entirely likely the guy is just a student and his parents don't even realise he's missing. Not every parent is like Hope - who Remus knows would call him twice a day if he ever went away from home. Maybe he's got a worried roommate out there who is reporting the guy's disappearance at that very moment.

Remus reaches for some chocolate bars. The shop has Galaxy chocolate which he always enjoys, and he grabs a couple of the plain bars, before following his mother to the counter. He quickly pays for them, knowing he has to go to work soon. Tomorrow he'll get some of the caramel bars, but he's feeling plain chocolate today.

He hesitates as he begins to put the bars in his pocket. Imagine not knowing a single thing. Imagine not knowing if you like to eat chocolate?

"Give him this," Remus insists, holding one of the bars out. This guy needs it more than him. Remus would hate to forget his own love of chocolate. Everyone should know if they like it - and introducing someone else to chocolate is the best gift Remus could ever give in his opinion.

Though he'd save money if he did forget his own love of the chocolatey goodness. It wasn't worth it though, he'd rather remember his adoration of chocolate than have more money.

Hope beams at him. "Go on, get to work," she insists, pushing him gently towards the library. "Have a lovely day, sweetheart."

"You too, Mum," Remus replies. He watches as she crosses the road, the hospital being just down the street. Usually he walks her there, but the shopping delayed them both by a few minutes and Remus doesn't want to be late.

He already has to take time off during the full moon. He doesn't want to lose this job, even though he knows deep down that the staff there are fond of him and wouldn't let him go so easily. Mildred is in her sixties and she would riot if someone tried to get rid of Remus.

He'll pop in to the hospital soon and see the guy. It must be so lonely for him, without a family at his side. Remus decides he can befriend him whilst he's there. It'll only be a short time before his family turn up and move him to a hospital closer to where he's from. London or wherever his mum said.

His mum turns the corner, disappearing from sight, and Remus turns away, walking back up the street. The library opens in ten minutes, but it's only a five minute walk from where he is, so he doesn't panic. He'll make it in time.

Maybe during his break he can do a bit of research on amnesia. He certainly doesn't want to go in there and sound stupid or ask something insensitive. Maybe he could check a couple of books out too, so his mum can have a read.

He heads towards the large building, already feeling the happy sensation course through him. He loves the library. He loves the quiet and the smell and organising books. Just being in there relaxes him and puts him at ease.

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**I've already written the rough draft of the next chapter. It'll be up soon. :)**

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_Note: Anything regarding social services and rehoming an underage teen with amnesia will be google and guess-work. Apologises if anything is incorrect in this or future chapters._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - please read!**

Thank you for the warm responses last time. Any reviews make my day and I'm inspired. Of course I'd still write this even if I only had one review on it.

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**Chapter 4 - Remus (again)**

Because I love looking at both POVs in a story :D

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Remus is a little early to meet his mum, but that's okay. He knows the nurses she works with and knows they'll want to chat with him until his mum is ready to leave with him. He's known some of them for the few years they've lived in town, choosing to finally settle when Remus was eleven rather than move on.

Their place is a little secluded - a few miles out of town and into the countryside - Remus has learnt to keep to himself. As for the full moons - well, they own a bit of land in the middle of nowhere, warded against any Muggles, wards to alert if anyone even approaches and anti-Muggle charms to make Muggles turn back, remembering a task they need to do immediately.

His father sits at the edge of the wards after locking Remus in this shack each month. He's too protective and Remus wants to insist that he'll be fine - his father staying is his father being at risk, but he knows that if his father goes and Remus somehow escapes and hurts anyone…

He doesn't like to think about that. He knows his dad takes precautions. There are many levels of the spells that Lyall has added over the years. A cage that he can't escape for a start, the shack itself, then the area around it. His father called in favours from magical trusted friends to make those wards stronger than they ever need to be. It's over the top, but that's what Remus likes. Better it be over the top and safe, than something that fails at a crucial moment.

And if he does somehow escape both the cage and the shack, his father will know and will get outside of the warded area.

He presses the buzzer for the hospital ward and the doors swing open after he utters his name into the little speaker on the wall nearby. As he walks in, the clean smell of the ward hits his nose. It doesn't bother him as it had when he first started coming, he's used to it now. He reaches into his pocket in search of some of his remaining chocolate. He's sure he left a few squares for his walk to the hospital, to cover him until he met his mother and went back to the shop for more.

He's confused as to where it is. But he feels the sensation of being watched, and he brings his gaze up.

He's transfixed. Peeking out from one of the rooms is a handsome guy around his own age. Short dark curls falls around his face and intense grey eyes are on fixed intently on Remus. There's an expression on his face that Remus can't quite work out, but nothing threatening or bad. It's the opposite actually. It's a look he's never seen before - a look he never expected to be aimed his way.

Remus smiles warmly. He tells himself that it's because he's on a ward and he needs to be polite to the patients there. Deep down he knows it's something more. He won't allow that thought to move to the front of his mind because of who he is, what he is. He doesn't realise yet that he's not as in control of his thoughts as he wants to be.

"Hi. Are you okay?" he asks, at a loss for what else to do. He's unable to stop himself from moving closer. He wants there to be very little distance between him and this guy, and he wonders for a moment if there's any rules against him dating one of his mother's patients. After all, _he's_ not the medical professional, so there's no line.

Though she already broke confidentiality by telling him about one patient's condition and diagnosis. But that was so Remus could help the stranger. That's entirely unrelated to this moment.

But he's early, and he doesn't know which room the guy is in, so maybe he can spare a few minutes for a chat with the most gorgeous guy he's ever seen in his life. Someone who could model. Someone who could model underwear... for Remus…

He silently chastises himself for the thoughts he's having. He knows he's better than that. This guy is in the hospital and Remus knows he should behave and be more considerate, even in his mind. It's not right to be indecent like that, he should have manners and keep his mind focused.

The patient nods, a few curls falling in his eyes as he does and Remus feels the urge to reach out and brush them away. They obscure his view of the guy's eyes and Remus doesn't want that.

"I am." His voice is just as gorgeous as the rest of him. "I feel like Hades."

This surprises Remus. Of all the replies he expects, this wouldn't have made the list. But he's curious now. Why does this guy feel like the king of the Underworld, a dark god when there are ones like Zeus and Poseidon. If he has to compare this guy to someone, it'd be Eros.

"You do? Why is that?" He's too curious not to ask this question, and is eager to hear the reply. In fact, he's eager just to hear this guy talk at all. He's eager for this conversation to continue. Usually he's too shy to talk to other guys, but Greek Mythology is something he knows well.

"When he laid eyes upon Persephone for the first time, is this how he felt?"

Remus' eyes widen at the comment. This is even more unexpected. He wonders if the guy is flirting with him, but there's no teasing smile, just a sort of awe in the guy's eyes as he intently stares at Remus, though he honestly feels that way.

Not that Remus really knows much about flirting. He's seen it in movies and tv shows, and he's read about it in books. He's seen it happen in the world around him, but he's never been flirted with and he's never flirted with anyone before. He likes it. He likes being the focus of this guy's attention and doesn't want this moment to ever end.

Of course if this guy _is_ flirting with him, Remus will need to be quick and think up something clever to say back. He braces himself just in case. The patient mentioned Hades and Persephone, and Remus could think of something to say in regards to that - he loves all the Mythology stories and tales his mother often tells him, even though he's now an adult. He still loves to hear her weave the tales, elaborating on her favourites with information that's not an original part of the story.

"So, is this your polite way of saying your about to kidnap me?" he can't help the shy tone of his voice, and he's a little embarrassed that it sounded so corny, but he's invested in the conversation and he's going to stay there and see how it goes. He's completely forgotten about his previous plan to go and talk to the other nurses whilst he waits for his mum.

"If that's what you're into." Long fingers move from the door-frame and loosely grip his wrist. Remus could pull free without any effort at all if he wanted, they both know this and Remus is sure that's why the hold is loose - because this guy doesn't want to put Remus in a situation that he's uncomfortable with, so there's a way out of it if that's what he needs.

He doesn't want to pull away though. There's the briefest of moments as the guy waits, as though he expects Remus to, before he gently tugs at Remus' arms, guiding him.

Remus follows the guy as he's led into the hospital room, a smile on his lips.

This dark-haired beauty is pleased judging by the way his lips have curved up into a grin. "And since you're now in my domain, this is where I tempt you with delicious things to keep you here." Remus sits when the seat is gestured at, his eyes widening as a bar of chocolate is revealed.

It's the bar he purchased the other day, but he tells himself it's not. Bars of galaxy chocolate are sold everywhere. Coincidence of course. He's sure they sell them downstairs in the hospital's shop. Though, if someone wants to tempt Remus, chocolate is certainly the way to go. He wonders if he's dreaming - a handsome guy who likes Mythology (and possibly is into reading) and gives Remus chocolate. This is certainly a dream. Or a dream come true.

He understands the twelve pieces symbolism. How would this guy react if Remus were to eat all of the pieces immediately? After all, he's pretty much saying 'Hey, the more of my chocolate you eat, the longer we'll be together'. Remus likes the idea of spending more time with this guy, and enjoying the chocolate.

But his condition is what causes his hesitation. He can't date a Muggle because the truth would always come out. Even if he could hide it somehow, that'd be a big secret between them. But the patient is looking at him as though life depends on Remus eating the chocolate. One square wouldn't hurt… right?

"I'm Eri, by the way," he says. Remus opens his mouth to say his own name, only to notice his mother in the doorway.

"There you are. What's going on?" Hope asks, her gaze moving between them. She looks like she's eager about something, but Remus can't quite work out what.

"I'm waiting to see how many pieces he eats," Eridanus explains. "He's my Persephone."

Remus' cheeks redden deeply. He was actually getting somewhere with this guy, maybe to the stage where he'd have been able to suggest coming back to visit again (or a movie sometime, when he gets out of the hospital) but his mum is there and he can't do this in front of her.

"Like… Hades and Persephone?" Remus can hear the excitement in his mum's voice and knows it's to do with the conversation from the other day. He confides in her that he has no confidence in talking to people he's interested in, so of course she's delighted that it's finally happening.

Or it was. Maybe next time when she's not here, he can stick around and chat a bit more?

"Eri, this is my son, Remus. Remus, this is Eridanus."

"I hope you're not going to pull a Demeter," Eri mutters, crossing his arms and looking at her suspiciously. If Remus wasn't embarrassed, he'd have laughed at the sight. His mum laughs and Eri looks happy for a moment, before the happiness fades and something sad crosses his face.

Eri is distracted now, his gaze on the chocolates and he grabs one, popping it into his mouth. He eats it, but looks like he's not really aware of the taste. Remus believes no-one should eat chocolate when their heart isn't into it. Why waste it like that?

His mother gives him a pointed look, gesturing between him and Eri and suddenly Remus understands. He didn't know which patient he was to check over, but somehow had ended up in his room. So that _was_ the chocolate bar he had given. It made sense now, the stranger's like of Greek Mythology - of course his mum would have been in telling her stories.

He withdraws his wand. He's got permission to use it in the presence of one of his parents (and without them in the hours following the full moon), until his seventeenth birthday due to being home-schooled. Eri's gaze isn't on him so he's able to do a quick health check to see _why_ the memories haven't returned. He also does a check to see how old Eri is, just to help him out a little.

Remus doesn't know how it's supposed to work with amnesia, but he imagines that there has to be some sort of trauma to the head or brain, or something that'll show up on his report. But it's not revealing anything. His spell isn't even revealing _amnesia_ which makes no sense. He's cast the spells to check health so many times, he knows he's right.

He flicks the wand at his mum and it alerts him to the fact that her feet are hurting her a little, so it's clearly not the spell. There is actually no medical reason for Eri not to have any memories.

Either he's lying, or there's more to it. He slips the wand back into his sleeve, confused.

"You know," Hope says, causing them both to look at her.

"What?" Eri asks. The panic and hopelessness in his voice immediately have Remus mentally crossing out that he's faking it. No one could fake these emotions. He has no doubts that Eri really has no memories. Maybe he's just one of the Muggles that's immune to magic? That must be it. But it still doesn't explain why the age spell worked.

"That was my son's chocolate bar," Hope insists. "You ate one piece, so I think that makes _you_ Persephone."

Remus considers this. Though he didn't see himself as Persephone, he could see Eri as Hades. A serious guy who does anything for love. His mother's stories are about Hades and Persephone falling in love and her wanting to stay with him, rather than being forced to, and that's how Remus always imagines the story to go.

Eri would make an excellent Hades. Remus has a feeling that when he's not feeling like this (and who would blame him, having lost his memories), Eri would be a force to be reckoned with. Remus imagines he's quite bold, kind, caring. He can tell that Eri is also quite vulnerable and considering his comments already, the sort to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Maybe he _is_ Persephone, just sitting around in the garden, oblivious to everything until Hades/Eri turns up with this tempting offer and seductive smile.

Remus tries to turn it. He can see himself, dark, brooding. He got the short end of the straw with the lycanthropy so has to hide away. But then suddenly seeing beauty and perfection - seeing someone who needs more to their life, and not being able to resist. Eri could be Persephone, pure and kind and good. Sweet and trusting. Someone who needs protecting.

Which means that Remus could corrupt him with the darkness his curse brings, and he knows it's a bad idea to be anywhere near Eri ever again. As soon as he thinks this, he knows it's futile. He was already too invested the moment their eyes met.

"What happens if I eat all twelve squares? Do you get to keep me?"

Remus knows he's not going to be able to ever stay away. He's aware he should, but he doesn't have that sort of willpower. Eri needs him and Remus is going to be there, but he'll force his feelings aside. Eri needs a friend for now. He can revisit the idea of the twelve pieces of chocolate another time. Eri needs protecting and Remus assigns himself that role. The world is cruel, and someone like Eri, not remembering life experiences and such could get very hurt if he trusts the wrong people.

Hurting Eri or taking advantage of him is the last thing on Remus' mind.

"Maybe we start with one square, and work our way up to the twelve," Remus offers gently. He's going to stick around, but he wants this to go slow because he doesn't want to hurt Eri and he knows that Eri is going to already be overwhelmed by everything - a relationship just causes more of that.

"I have to go, but it's been really nice meeting you," Remus continues sadly. "I'm sorry that I couldn't stay longer - I can't imagine it's much fun here." He doesn't want to leave, but they need to get home. He's definitely coming back soon though. As soon as he can.

"Not at all. I have amnesia so don't really have much to compare it to," Eri admits. "Are you going to come back?" He looks like it'll be the best thing in the world. Remus agrees. Hospitals are no fun, but with Eri there, he feels like it'll be the most amazing place to be.

Remus nods. "I'll stop in after the library tomorrow," he promises. "Is there anything you want me to bring?" Maybe he'll skip the library and come straight to the hospital.

Eri shakes his head and they walk to the door together, before saying their goodbyes. Remus is aware that Eri doesn't really want them to leave, and he feels a pull to return, but has to ignore it. He hates walking away - he feels he belongs there.

"So?" his mother asks.

"I don't know," Remus says in return. "It's like there's nothing to heal. There's just nothing… I can't fix it." Not that he ever planned to _fix_ Eri, because if it was a brain thing, Remus wouldn't even consider using magic. "But he's seventeen. Quite recently in fact. Perhaps we could do a little birthday party?" The fact that he's able to do an age spell tells Remus that Eri isn't immune to magic, but he can't quite work out what's going on.

Unless there's no medical reason for the memory loss. He's read stories in the library stating that some people have suffered this suddenly. Some have had bad news, and have forgotten their whole lives. Perhaps it's something like that, and the spell just isn't attuned to something like amnesia.

"We _do_ need a date to put on his information," Hope agrees. "I'll ask him how he feels about tomorrow being his registered birthday - or if he has a preferred date."

Remus nods his head. He can't stop thinking about all twelve pieces of chocolate. If he wasn't cursed, those pieces would have been at least half-gone.

He just can't be all in on something that might not last. After all, Eri's family could turn up and take him to London. If that happens, Remus may never see him again.

So he's going to be very careful until he knows whether Eri is sticking around or leaving town.

And though he truly wants Eri's family to turn up so he's not alone and scared, there's a little selfish part of Remus that hopes that they don't. Because if they don't, Eri will stay in Wales.

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**Hope you enjoy :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews :)**

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**Chapter 5 I think**

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Three years ago a nearby warehouse closed up and sold everything inside for next to nothing. A lot of their stock had been party supplies, so Hope and the other nurses had put a small collection around the hospital, with doctors, nurses and other staff each giving some spare change. A £1 here, a £5 there.

Items inside were as little as 10p for a packet of paper cups.

But in a hospital, there were children that were sad they didn't get to go home for their birthdays. There were long-term visitors - some with children who didn't understand that adults didn't celebrate their birthdays quite as enthusiastically. Single parents who couldn't bring themselves to leave their child's bedside for a moment. With the many supplies that were purchased, they were able to help out when parents brought birthday cakes and snacks in. They had packets at the ready to cover whatever the parents forgot - because they always forgot something.

"_We've seen this before. Homeless teenagers refusing to give their names and addresses and no parents searching for them. Best case scenario, he's just a victim of neglect. Worst case…"_

Hope pulls out a packet of paper cups and sets them aside next to the party hats. She's decided that Eri's birthday is going to be today. After the visit from his case-worker - after hearing what the woman had to say about their assumptions over his upbringing… well, he was getting a party. She didn't care if he was too old for one.

_"I'm not disputing that in this case, he does have amnesia. We just have to look at everything else. No-one is searching for this boy which is already a red-flag on our books. When no-one looks, well… that says a lot."_

Her hands are shaking as she continues getting everything she needs. Social Services knew what they were doing - it was their job to know these things, and if they insisted that he would have _at the very least_ been neglected… well, he was having a nice birthday party with hats and a cake and he was going to have a nice day.

There's only a few nurses on duty, but Eri's doctor had already donated to the little party fund. Doctor Winslow had seen the look in her eye. He knows that she's developed a bond with Eri and she hadn't even needed to ask. He gave enough for the cake, which meant that the nurses just needed to get a small gift and maybe some little snacks and some drinks.

She's willing to pay for the entire thing herself if that's what it takes, but she needs for Eri to feel cared about. Even if he can't remember being alone before his trip to the hospital, the memory is still somewhere in there and she's going to fill his life with good memories.

One day he'll remember everything. She's going to make sure he's so happy that the negative past will not drag him down. He'll have happy memories instead. It's her job now. Not just because she's his nurse, but because of the way Eri and Remus look at each other.

She can see that Eri is going to remain a part of her life, and for that, she's glad. She can help look after him better if he's friends with Remus. She hopes one day it'll be more, but likes that the boys are taking the time to get to know each other. She doesn't want to interfere too much in that - she trusts Remus will think everything through before making any choices. And he's going to be seventeen soon and Eri is already seventeen. In the eyes of the magical world, seventeen is an adult.

She glances at the items next to her, certain she has what she needs. She pushes the boxes back into place and gathers everything up in her arms, and leaves the large cupboard in the staff room, locking the door behind her.

...oOo...

"Dear, what cake would you like?"

Eri barely looks at her. His gaze has been on the door since before she went for the meeting with social services, and he seemed focused on waiting for someone to come in. He's barely glanced at Hope and she wonders if he's forgotten she even came in the room.

"We're going to do a little birthday thing for you today," she pressed. "Sponge cake? Chocolate? What would you like?"

"Birthday?" The word seems to rouse him from his staring and he turns towards her. "It's my birthday? How do you know?"

She shakes her head slightly. "We don't. But… perhaps it's a good day to pick as your birthday," she offers. "So you can start celebrating each year."

"Until I remember my real one," Eri murmurs.

Hope nods. Maybe it's for the best that he doesn't remember his real birthday. His real family. His real life. He could be so much happier here. She quickly reminds herself not to be selfish. She cares about Eri, but it's not down to her to decide what's best. He may want to know the truth, even if everything turns out to be negative. If that's what he wants, she'll do what she can to help him find out his past - though she's not sure how that'll happen seeing as they have no clues apart from his accent which could be any part of South England, not necessarily London, and the stars on his hand which could have just been a doodle.

There hadn't even been a receipt in his pocket when he was found. Not a single clue to where he came from.

"So… what does Remus think of birthday parties?" Eri asks, trying to sound casual but failing completely. He's unaware of how eager he sounds as he puts his arms behind his head and leans back, his eyes darting towards the doors every few seconds as though someone is about to walk through.

"Remus?" Hope realises now that Eri isn't waiting for a family that isn't coming. His focus is on Remus. Remus had mentioned that morning that he was stopping in, but visiting times were later. She couldn't stop smiling. "He loves birthdays. On his birthday every year, we get him a chocolate cake. We make a proper fuss, even though he pretends he's getting too old for it. I know he secretly likes being the centre of attention." She watches to see if he seems interested in the idea of a party.

"Chocolate is good," Eri agrees. "I know I like chocolate. I'll try other cakes at some point, but I don't want to risk not liking the birthday cake. So… he's coming for my party?"

Hope nods. "I'll give him a call to make sure he's here," she promises. "It'll be towards the end of lunch, so when the shifts change, everyone can get a chance to stop in and see you."

Eri nods. "Yeah. I mean… he doesn't have to. It'd just be… cool to hang out with him if he wants."

Hope hides her eye-roll. Eri would clearly be heart-broken if Remus didn't turn up. No matter how much he pretended it didn't matter, it so clearly did.

"He'll be here," she promises. "When my son says something, he does it. If he ever went back on his word, it's for good reason - injury, sickness… he'll be at the party. I know he'd never let you down."

She imagines that Remus would drag himself to the hospital hours after the full moon in hopes of seeing Eri if Eri asked.

Eri's smile widens. "And that's a few hours away?"

She nods and he slumps slightly, a soft sigh falling from his lips before he turns fully from the door and reached for the notebook with the blank paper and a pencil. She glances at the packet of unopened pens. Eri hasn't touched them at all which was a little strange as he tends to write as well as draw. But seems to do everything in pencil instead.

But to each their own.

She glances at her watch. She has five more minutes to spare here before her break is over.

"Eri… I've been talking to social services," she says, causing him to glance up over the top of the notebook. "You met Mary - your case-worker - earlier… well, we all agree that aside from the amnesia, your health is good and there's no need for you to stay here too much longer."

She sees the panic on his face. She had chosen her words carefully, hoping to sound reassuring, but Eri was the sort to imagine the worst in all situations. She didn't blame him, only herself for her approach. "Of course you'll be staying here until we've found you somewhere else to go. I was going to ask around town, I think there's an empty flat above the bakery - the owner became a father and moved out to somewhere bigger. I'll ask around if that interests you."

"You don't think my family are coming, do you?" Eri asks softly. There's no judgement in his voice, only sadness and Hope sighs. She doesn't want to tell Eri the truth of the matter, because it'll hurt him but at the same time, doesn't want to lie. Evading giving a proper yes or no answer is the best bet, she decides.

"I want what's best for you," she says. "What I would like the most is for a _loving_ and _caring_ family to turn up. But… but whilst we wait, I imagine you want to be out there, living your life. We have your file here, so the minute someone turns up or calls searching for you, we'll make sure we don't let them slip away. But you can't be happy in this room. There's a college in town, there's a lot of nice places to go and things to do. A cinema, the rink, a milkshake shop, and ice-cream shop. Remus works in the library in town. You could go to college - until your family arrive - or get a part time job…"

Eri turns the pencil over in his hands, twisting it as he thinks over Hope's words.

"I could see Remus more often," he murmurs to himself. "Does he go to the college?" he glances up as he asks the question. He looks so torn, but Hope is going to make sure Eri has the life he deserves.

She nods. "Remus is training to be a teacher," she explains. "A history teacher. So he goes in for four days, though two of those he finishes early. He also works part time at the library. You'll see him around the college if you go there." If Remus is the key to Eri settling down and starting a life, she'll go there. Eri deserves happiness after all and Hope will convince him somehow to set up some roots in town.

"I don't know if anyone is coming for me," Eri admits softly, eyes downcast. "I can't spend my life waiting in this room, hoping. I mean… if someone does turn up, I'll deal with that when it happens. If not… well, I can enrol in college, I can… I can plan a future. I can make friends."

Hope beams. She knows she can be a little pushy at times. But all she wants is for Eri to have a happy life from here on out. "I'll contact Mary and see if she can contact the college and fit you in as a late admission with special circumstances," she offers. "You think about what course you'd like to do."

Eri nods his head, his eyes on his notebook. "Art?" he murmurs. "I could be on Remus' course but I don't really want to be a professor." He starts to tap his pencil against the book. "Though history does sound fun. I wonder what I used to be good at?"

"I'll pick you up a book from the college," Hope insists. "You might be able to get enrolled late because of your circumstances, but have a think about it. If you choose a course you don't like, you can always change and do something else next year. But I have to get back to work now. I'll send Remus straight in when he arrives later."

Eri smiles and nods, but is still very much deep in thought. Hope heads to the desk with a minute to spare and dials the phone number for the library where Remus is that day. Thankfully he's only working in the morning.

"Remus, we're having a birthday party for Eri. Can you make a couple of stops before coming here at half-past one?" she asks.

"I finish at twelve," Remus confirms. "What should I get?"

...oOo...

For once, the main thing Remus is looking forward to isn't the chocolate cake. He can't wait to see Eridanus again. Though he's shy, nervous as hell and completely smitten, he just feels at ease with Eri. He's not quite sure why though - perhaps in the hospital setting where Eri is wearing Remus' old pyjamas or some clothes Hope bought from the charity shop, he doesn't seem as intimidating as he could appear in the outside world.

Or perhaps there's more to it. Perhaps it's because Eri looks at Remus like the world revolves around him, as though he'd do anything for him, the same way Remus would do anything for Eri. He feels safe around Eri, as though if anyone tried to hurt him, Eri would be there to stop them.

Though, as a Muggle, Eri would be the one in need of defence, so it'd actually be Remus protecting Eri, which is fine. It's just nice to consider that Eri cares that much about him.

Remus bypasses his favourite cake. He knows there's a nice chocolate cake with white-chocolate stars on the top. Personally, he's not a fan of white chocolate. No self-respecting adult eats white chocolate (in his opinion) when there are other chocolates available, but the design is fun because of the star theme.

Remus had already scouted around the stationary shop, finding a nice notebook with stars on the cover and a packet of star stickers all colours of the rainbow, ones that shimmer, some that were glittery. The gifts might not be perfect - Eri might be bored of notebooks and feel he's too old for stickers, but until they learn his likes and dislikes, it's all he can think to get. Eri likes to draw, so for now that'll have to be enough.

If he had more time, he could have gone to Diagon Alley and picked something. There's a lot more things there that relate to stars and space, which would have been perfect - but he's glad he didn't. If he had, he'd probably have over-spent in his desire to do something nice for his new friend. He'd spend every penny he had if it brought that beautiful smile to Eri's lips - if it made him happy.

He'd do anything to see Eri's face light up.

He's already grabbed a packet of hair-bands from the pharmacy as he passed on his way to the supermarket, recalling Eri's frustration with his hair being in his face constantly. Though Remus loves his hair, he wants the other teen to be comfortable.

He checks the time on the receipt after he pays for the cake. He's not due at the hospital for over half an hour, but he can't help himself. Usually he'd read in the library whilst waiting for his mum, or check out the bookshop or just look around the high-street. But today he wants nothing more than to look into Eri's beautiful grey eyes.

...oOo...

"What's wrong?"

Eri hasn't even noticed Remus come in the room. He thought he'd be over his crisis and upset by the time people arrived.

"Nothing."

Remus reaches out, his hand taking Eri's. "It's never _nothing_," Remus insists softly. "It's always something. Even if it's something _you_ consider tiny or insignificant, it's still something because it's caused this - and I'm here to talk… or listen if that's what you need."

"I'm just being silly," Eri mutters.

"Considering the last couple of weeks, I believe you reserve the right to get upset over whatever you need to," Remus assures him. He's not let go of Eri's hand and they both know it's there merely as comfort, but the touch helps Eri. It feels strange in a way, as though touch is something he's not used to. Even before he can remember, and maybe it confirms his fear further.

"I know my family aren't coming," Eri admits softly. "I keep hoping… if they wanted to find me, they would have. I've been listening to the staff talk in the evening shifts when they think everyone is asleep. Remus, I was found without a single item. Someone brought me here to Wales intentionally. That could have actually been my family getting rid of me. If they loved me - missed me, they'd be here."

"Eri…" Remus begins, but trails off as soon as he starts. He doesn't know what to say to comfort.

Eri turns his hand, letting their fingers entwine. "You can just listen," he offers. Remus nods, a little relieved. He wants to be there for his friend, yet doesn't know the right words to deal with this situation. They'll come to him, he's sure. He wants his words to mean something.

"It's scary though," Eri continues. "You mum said something this morning… she talked about college and a job and whatever I want to do with my life. She's asking around to find me a place to live, and I can't even remember where I lived before. My only memory of home is a hospital room. I don't know what I liked and disliked in the past, so how can I even begin to pick a course that'll determine my future? I'm all alone, Remus."

"You're not alone," Remus assures him. Now he knows the words, because he feels them with all of his heart. As long as he's around, Remus will _never_ let Eri feel lonely. "You have me. My mum has never made this much effort for anyone before, she really cares about you… and I do too. We're friends."

"Only… only friends?" Eri checks. There's a flicker of disappointment which Eri quickly hides and Remus realises that Eri constantly tries to keep emotion off his face, though sometimes he fails. He makes a mental note of that, wondering how his upbringing relates to that. He turns back to the matter at hand.

Remus nods, though the corners of his lips twitch, fighting a smile. "Only friends. Best friends though… for now, anyway. You said yourself that it's scary. I think you need time to adjust to this world you're unsure of. You need to consider your future and everything else. Adding a relationship is just going to be something that'll make you struggle. I'm still going to be here for you no matter what."

"For now?" Eri repeats softly. "So you're not ruling it out completely?"

"Eri, you're beautiful, inside and out," Remus insists, his cheeks reddening as he speaks. He's not sure how he has the courage to admit any of this but pushes away his fear of rejection. This isn't about him or his own insecurities, it's about Eri and Eri needs to hear this. "You're a good person and… I care a lot about you. I don't think I'd ever rule that out when it comes to you. So how about we agree to take the time to get to know each other and let's see what naturally develops instead of rushing this. You're in a vulnerable state right now and I'm not going to take advantage of that. I'm going to be here as your friend to make sure no-one else does. I'm going to help you when you need someone's opinion, when you don't know where to turn and when you want to make a plan for your life. I swear I'm not going anywhere. I don't make up for the family you're missing, but maybe I can be a part of your new family?"

"Everything is scary, except you," Eri confirms gently. "I don't agree that I'm vulnerable, but I understand why you think that and why you'd want to wait. I'd… I like the sound of everything you've said. You really matter to me."

Remus beams at him. "And you matter to me," he promises. "I meant what I said before - if you ever go missing, I'll find you."

"Like I'd ever leave you," Eri chuckles softly.

Silence falls over them after that. A comfortable silence that neither rushes to fill. They sit, their hands joined, thinking over the words that had been said that day.

It's only when the doctor stops in, that they finally let go of each other's hands.

...oOo...

Hope had kept the party hats to the side at first, debating whether Eri would even want those at seventeen years old, but she just knew that hats were a must when she saw the way his face lit up as they sang _Happy Birthday_ and brought him a cake with sparkler candles as well as normal candles to blow out.

She noticed the slight redness of his eyes too, but Remus had whispered that he had spoken with Eri, so she wasn't too worried. If Remus was concerned, he'd have told her more about it. But he didn't, so she would focus on the things that she _could_ do to help.

The party for a start.

Eri blows out the candles, unable to stop the smile on his lips as his eyes move over the cake, taking in the little white stars on the top. "This is perfect." There's pure joy in his voice.

"It's about to get better." She reaches for the hats and begins to pass them out. Two teenagers from the ward grimace at the sight of the hats, but everyone else puts the hats on.

Remus smiles as he puts his on. He can see the joy in Eri's eyes, and the enthusiasm in which he puts the hat on, and clearly the feeling is contagious. Hope doesn't need to tell her son what they suspect over Eri's history. She knows he's made his own conclusions based on the fact that the original parents haven't turned up and wouldn't be surprised if he had figured it out exactly as Mary had explained. If he hasn't, it won't be long before he does.

"I've had to precut the cake," Hope explains, as she takes the candles out. "We're not allowed the knives on the ward and it was easier to pre-cut it, rather than taking it away and cutting it."

Eri doesn't mind at all. He merely glances up at Remus who is standing next to the hospital bed which Eri is sitting on. Remus' hand is brushing against Eri's arm and she's sure that Eri is leaning slightly into the touch.

She quickly passes the cake out and the radio is turned on and music plays at a reasonable level. She glances at Eri to see if he recognises the song, but he's listening intently, head tilted ever so slightly.

He catches her gaze. "Thank you," he mouths.

Her smile widens. "We're not done yet," she insists. "We have a little gift for you."

She reaches for the bag on the floor, handing the gift-bag to Eri.

He withdraws a little bear holding the number _17_. He's beaming even harder, and then Remus is handing over his own gift and Eri is ripping into it, and suddenly his arms are around Remus in a hug and when he pulls back, he's looking at Remus like no-one else is even in the room.

"We can move this party to the break-room," she offers. Everyone except Eri and Remus follow her out. She takes one last glance back, and Remus is now sitting on the bed next to Eri and they're deep in conversation. They're sitting so close that their arms are touching.

Hope closes the door quietly behind her. It's clear that the pair are both completely smitten with each other. Other people spend years looking for that kind of connection, that kind of pure love, yet her boys found it so quickly in each other. It'll take time for them to truly understand what they've found, but they'll work it out.

Hope fully believes that soulmates exist. Just from looking at Eri and Remus, she was certain that they had found theirs.

Maybe this was karma. Her son had suffered so much - perhaps this was the world trying to rectify that by offering him some happiness? Because no-one had a kinder heart than her son. He was the type of person that'd rather turn in a found wallet, rather than open it and steal. He was honest (as much as he could be because there were some secrets he _couldn't_ ever share) and kind and caring. He deserved the world. He deserved to find his soulmate.

And she was certain Eri deserved happiness just as much.

* * *

**Hope you enjoy :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews :)**

**So, this chapter is a little shorter than intended. I've already got the next chapter half-written and plan to post on Friday.**

**Also, it's unbetaed so I may have missed some mistakes.**

* * *

The room is clear now. Eri's opinion of Hope gets higher, if that's even possible. It's as if she's realised that he's panicked over something or that he needs his space all of a sudden. But somehow, she's got everyone out and it's just him and Remus.

They're sitting on the bed together, their arms so close that they are touching. Eridanus can feel the material from Remus' cardigan against his skin. He likes the texture of it, it's soft and he knows he's always going to think of Remus when he sees cardigans because Remus has worn one every visit without fail. The thought makes him want to smile, but he can't bring himself to.

"You're sad again," Remus notes. His voice is low as though they are trying not to be heard, but the room is empty. Maybe Remus is so caught up in him that he's not realised that people have left. Maybe he's trying to be comforting.

Eri keeps his own voice low too. It makes the conversation more intimate somehow.

"I'm not sure if I can put it into words," he says softly. "Or if there's anything to put into words. It might be all in my head."

Remus' lips curve as Eri chuckles. "It's good _something_ is in my head," he adds jokingly. "But…" he pauses though he knows Remus wants to hear this, he knows Remus will listen and not judge.

Maybe Remus will have some sort of explanation. Even if he doesn't, it'll be nice to voice his worries to his friend. Because friends told each other these things… he thinks. He's not quite sure about what things friends do.

And there it is again. That feeling.

"For what it's worth, you still look gorgeous when you pull all of those weird faces," Remus teases, causing Eridanus' lips to curve up once more and drawing him out of his melancholy. Maybe he's being vain, but he likes when Remus says nice things about him. Plus, he likes to know that Remus thinks he's gorgeous. Eri might not be used to this face yet - maybe it'll never feel right - but at least Remus likes it.

"You should pull some too," Eri insists. "Though I know nothing could make you look any less perfect." He wins because Remus' cheek redden faster than ever. It's the most adorable thing he's has ever seen in his life… or in the last two weeks.

"Your mum talked before about muscle memory," he blurts out, feeling a little awkward at his previous comment. He's not supposed to go on about how perfect Remus is - he's trying to maintain a friendship and telling Remus he's perfect (even if it's true) is dangerously close to Eri telling Remus that he's perfect _for Eri_.

Remus looks sidetracked for a brief moment, before recalling that his friend was sad a moment ago. The shy expression fades, though the cheeks stay red. He nods, wanting Eri to continue. He looks very focused as though whatever Eri has to say is the most important thing ever.

"She explains it's why I know how to do certain things. Like… brushing my hair for example. On the day I was given a hairbrush, I instinctively knew what to do. I don't have a single memory of brushing my hair, yet I knew. The same with brushing my teeth and getting dressed and… talking, understanding. I don't have memories of learning to talk, but I can do it... well, you get it. There are memories still in there, somewhere. Things I haven't forgotten, even though there are no memories of them." He pauses for a moment, trying to find a way to express what actually worries him.

"And you want help recovering those?" Remus asks when the silence goes on for more than a minute.

"I…" Eri's thrown for a moment. Yes, but that's not what he's after right this moment. "We can come back to that." He can only focus on one thing at a time, and that's a whole other conversation. "It's not just muscle memory though, right? Something inside remembers things. It's why certain things cause emotions that I can't otherwise explain… right? Are you with me?"

Remus slowly nods. "You mean like… a scent might be really familiar, but you know you've not smelt it since arriving here? So you're sure it has to be from your past? Deja-Vu moments too?"

Eri nods. "Yes! Well, something like that."

"Do you wish to share what emotions? Maybe we can work this out."

Eri takes a deep breath, and it feels heavy as it leaves. "The first isn't today… it's from the start of my time here. After meeting your mum and finding out she had a son my age, I was really jealous. Before I met you of course - because you deserve a brilliant mum like Hope. But when I heard that, I told myself I must have been jealous because I wanted my mother here… but I don't think that was the case. My jealousy was because someone else got to have such a nice mum. Remus, I get the feeling that my mum isn't anything like yours."

Remus' hand finds his, offering silent support. Eri had been a little worried that Remus would be annoyed with him for being jealous like that, but Remus was being beautifully supportive as usual.

"There are little things like that, but today was the… the most," Eri continues. "Situations like talking to the doctor. That felt… normal. Like I've spoken to doctors before. The room here feels a little familiar, though there's something slightly off that I can't determine why. So I suspect I've been in hospital before. But… the party. Remus, I don't think I've ever had a birthday party."

Remus remains silent and Eri turns his head, finding Amber eyes fixed on him. There's no pity there, thankfully, just a pensive look as Remus considers what hes been told.

"I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe I had them as a kid and teenage… whoever I was, decided that he was too old for parties, so they stopped feeling familiar? Maybe there's a reason. But… but then I hugged you and you hugged me and it was like I couldn't breathe. It felt like nothing else, like I had never felt anyone hold me before. I mean… everyone's been hugged before, right?"

Remus nods. The pensive look is gone now and worry fills his eyes. "Did you not like it? I can keep a distance if you're uncomfortable with it."

Eri quickly shakes his head. That's the opposite of what he wants. "Please don't," he quickly replies before Remus can settle into that idea. He likes the feel of Remus' arms around him, even if it does cause an overwhelming flurry of emotions, ranging from panic at the unfamiliarity and what that means, to the delight of someone holding him and it being Remus and just being that close to the person he… well… he doesn't want to try and name this feeling just yet.

"Maybe it's all wrong," Eri continues slowly, trying to make sense of his own words. "My brain is obviously broken because it's hiding my life from me. So it could be messing with me now, but what if… I mean, my parents haven't come to find me. I think if my mum was like Hope, she'd have found me within hours of me arriving here. It's not like I'm being moved around. Social Services, the police… they all know my location so if my mother was trying to find me, she'd have managed. Its been weeks after all. I was found with nothing to identify me. If I got here by myself, I'd have something to show for it. A train ticket, a receipt, any evidence at all. But there's nothing. It felt like my first party - and not because it's my first party in this new life - and I crave touch so badly that my skin hurts and I can't breathe. This isn't normal."

Remus shifts closer. The hand that was on Eri's wraps around him and pulls him tightly. "I've got you there," Remus promises. "I won't ever stop you if you want a hug or to hold hands or to… just sit together. Whatever touch you need, I'm here."

"I'm going to have my life here," Eri's voice is quieter. He feels drained just by the thoughts running through his head. He's leaning on Remus now, his head on Remus' shoulder and it's helping. "I do want to find out the truth - I want to know why they don't love me enough to search for me. I want to know why they abandoned me. Why they… they hate me." He pauses. Hate. That thought had never actually crossed his mind, yet he hadn't been able to stop himself saying it. It was like his lips knew something his brain had forgotten. "I want the truth. I want to know where I came from, and maybe I'm wrong about all of this… but my life is starting here, today, in Wales. I'm making that choice."

"What can I do to help?" Remus checks. He's not even trying to hide the small smile from the end of Eri's declaration. He likes the idea of Eri staying in Wales.

"I don't think there's much more besides this," Eri admits. "This helps. You help so much already. Just by being my friend. This is what friends do, right? I have a… a feeling that I've not had a friend before."

"Real friends are there for each other through anything and everything," Remus says, and there's something in his voice that Eri doesn't understand. "Real friends accept everything about each other, no matter what."

"We're real friends," Eri murmurs. There isn't a single thing Remus could tell him that would make him turn his back. Remus could be a serial killer and Eri would merely burn the blood-soaked clothes for him and provide alibis. Eri was in this for the long run, though he did hope that no-one turned out to be a serial killer. It just meant that there was a risk he could lose Remus.

"I hope so," Remus replies.

"We are. I mean, if you became a serial killer, I'd still be here. I'd have to learn to use the washing machine though so I can hide evidence that you hurt people. Just hurt bad people, okay?"

Remus laughs and Eri can't help but join in. "It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud," he adds. "I can't imagine you ever hurting anyone, Rem, but that's how much you matter to me - how much I value your friendship. I'd do anything to protect you."

Remus' arm tightens and Eri feels like the hug isn't just for him anymore. Remus needs this comfort too. He realises with a start that Remus has agreed to be his best friend. Remus is making all of this time for him, which means that Remus doesn't have any friends either.

Though Remus has parents who love him, it doesn't mean he doesn't feel lonely too.

Eri shifts, turning his body so he can wrap Remus in a hug instead. He's going to need Remus a lot from here on out, but now he's coming to understand his friend a little better and he can be more of what Remus needs too.

Remus clings to him and it's not the Remus he's seen before. This is the vulnerable Remus in his arms, the one who needs him. He'll accept all parts of his friend without fuss. Right now, there's nowhere he'd rather be than here. Given the option of being with his real family or with Remus, he'd choose the latter because somehow they are both the same deep down inside. They need each other. He would never choose to be away from Remus because Remus needs him.

Eri realises that with each day, this relationship is changing. Only that morning, he wouldn't have thought he'd see the vulnerable side of Remus like this. But something has changed again, meaning that Remus feels he can show Eri this side of him. Maybe it's a one-off, or maybe it'll happen again. Either way, Eri's seen a side to Remus that he's sure not many people have seen. This is the Remus that needs protecting, and that's Eri's job now.

He clings back.

* * *

**Hope you enjoy :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews :)**

**Sorry that this chapter is a week later than promised.**

**I've got the next chapter finished (the first draft) so it'll be up Friday at the latest. **

**Next chapter - Regulus... and James**

* * *

"You don't have a tell," Eridanus complains, a few days later as they play cards. "How do you not have a tell?" He glares at his cards, rather than glaring at Remus. Remus doesn't deserve to be glared at just because he can keep a straight face.

Remus smirks. "You mean like you do?"

Eri pouts before reaching for another card. He puts it in his hand and Remus laughs softly as he does so.

Eri glances up.

"See," Remus says. "There was a moment of disappointment on your face before you hid it. I know you got a bad card." He's a little smug too, which seems to be the way when it comes to playing any card games where Remus is winning.

Eri can't help but enjoy the sound of Remus' laughter, even if Remus is criticising his poker skills.

"I'll get better," he says. He's not good enough at this and he hates that. He finds he hates being bad at anything and wonders if he was a perfectionist, or maybe it tied in with his instincts about his past and his family? Or maybe he's just competitive too?

Maybe it's to do with not being good enough. He tries not to let that thought invade his mind. Remus thinks he's worthy of his time, otherwise Remus wouldn't be there. _Remus_ is who matters to him.

It's Remus' turn and he sets down his hand, a pleased smile on his lips because he knows he's won. Eri sees the two pairs and sighs softly. Remus is right, he has nothing but a pair of threes which he knew wouldn't be enough.

"Okay. Three games like agreed," Remus says, quickly picking the cards up and slipping them back into the box. Eri had won the first, but he's sure Remus let him win. Remus won the other two, meaning that Remus was the card-champion for that day. "Let's look through the college book quickly. The sooner we get your application in…"

The idea of going to college scares Eri. But also the idea of choosing his path excites him. They've already taken three looks through the prospectus and used a black marker to cross out things that Eri doesn't see any future in. Over the past few days, he's been taking the time to consider what type of person he is and what person he wants to be. He knows he can be anyone he wants because his life is a blank slate - a fresh start.

Over the last three attempts, they've managed to cross most things out. Remus reminds Eri that if he picks a course he doesn't want, he can always do a new course next year instead, but Eri wants to get on that correct path now. But he knows Remus is just being supportive, not rushing him to pick something quickly and taking the time to play cards or chat to relax Eri before they get back to the college prospectus.

"What do you have on your shortlist?" Remus asks, reaching for the nearby notebook. "Let's write them out and if we can't narrow them down, we can try a pros and cons list?"

Eri opens the book, searching for the first one that doesn't have a big X through it. Things like _Law_ and _Business_ were ruled out fast. Nothing that puts him on the path to government either. That's not how he sees this life going.

There are a lot of things crossed out already; the pages are littered with marks. Eri doesn't have a single desire to sit in an office all day.

His eyes linger on the media section for a long moment before he uncaps the marker and puts a cross through it. He likes the sound of it, but it just doesn't feel right for him.

"Journalism and Creative Writing," he begins. He listens as Remus writes it down with one of Eri's pencils. "Music."

That gets added to the list too, and Eri continues through the book, looking. "Cooking," he adds, noticing the lack of a black X over _'Food Preparation and Cooking_' and '_Professional Cookery_'.The last one is an Art course, which Remus makes a note of.

"So that's a few different skills," Remus murmurs. "Writing, Cooking, Music and Art. From what it sounds like, you've got a creative streak. That doesn't surprise me."

Eri nods. Remus' tone tells him it's a compliment. "The problem is, I don't know if I'd be any good at any of them," he admits. "I like art and it's a fun hobby, and I'm not bad at it. But what if I'm missing out on cooking or music? What if I'm good at one of those but won't find out until after the course? I'm not even sure why I put writing on the list, cross that one out."

Remus considers this as he crosses writing out. "I think you'd be excellent at writing, but since we're trying to eliminate some from the list, I'll remove it," he says. "Close your eyes, clear your mind and just… just empty it all."

Eri nods, doing what he's told as his lips curve into a smile.

"Hey, no smiling. That means you're thinking about something funny."

He tries to do what Remus says but Remus is too adorable and Eri struggles to keep the smile from his lips.

Silence follows, but Eri trusts Remus will speak. Remus isn't doing this to make him feel stupid, there's always a reason.

"Imagine that… that a memory has returned. It's one telling you that you're skilled in cooking or in music or even writing. Which is it?"

Eri can see what Remus is attempting to do. Art is a given now, but this question narrows it down. He can also tell that Remus has no idea what he's doing, but Eri appreciates him trying so he tries to make it work too.

If he chooses music, what future will he have with it? He can't see himself spending his life on the road in a band. Music would just end up as a hobby. Journalists can be quite mean and that's not the person he wants to be, plus the idea of writing deadlines doesn't sound fun.

Cooking however. The thought of putting little patterns on cake sounds funs. He can picture making Remus romantic dinners followed by chocolate desserts so perfect that Remus would fall into his arms and they'd start their happily ever after together. His fascination with cooking isn't just about Remus' reaction to it though, the idea of mixing ingredients and measuring them out and such... there's something inside him that longs to do just that.

"I'd like to learn to cook," he says softly.

He opens his eyes again and Remus is smiling. "Great. You read up on the relevant courses and I'll be back in a minute."

Eri nods, turning back to the right page. He watches Remus from the corner of his eye as Remus leaves the room. Probably to go to the loo or talk to his mum.

He feels relief. The big choice has been made now and he doesn't have a regret picking cooking. There are other choices he'll have to make, but this one felt like the biggest. It's the path to his future and he's excited.

...oOo...

"We don't usually allow patients back here," Sally says. "But it's a one off and it's for Hope."

Eri's wearing an apron and a hairnet which he hates and is rethinking wanting to be a cook. The apron is fine. The hairnet is not. He's just glad Remus can't see him in the awful hairnet.

He's standing in the kitchen of the downstairs restaurant. It's a few minutes after closing, but Hope's pulled some strings to get her friend there to give Eri a cooking lesson, just to see if it's something Eri enjoys. If he does, they'll give the application forms to Mary the next day and she'll go to the college on his behalf. He hopes it works out - Mary's had to pull some strings and he doesn't want to make her wait longer.

"We're just going to do something simple," Sally continues. "Some cookies. My daughter has a bake-sale on the weekend so I was going to make these at home anyway. You can take your own away at the end."

Eri nods, his gaze moving over the chocolate chips. He'll give Remus one. He won't tell Remus that he made it himself, he'll just hand it over and see if Remus loves it. Remus is the expert of anything with chocolate, always talking about which brands and bars are the best. The underappreciated bars, the best chocolate to caramel (or whatever other ingredient) ratio.

"You always start by washing your hands," Sally instructs. "You make sure your work-space and utensils are clean and tidy. You can't work in a dirty space. You don't wash as you go along. You have everything clean and ready. You need to be clean and ready yourself."

Eri had already washed his hands upon instruction a few minutes before. He nods his head, it all makes perfect sense. He knows Sally is repeating it merely to help him remember to do it each time.

"Now, cooks tend to have a preference to what they want to do," she says. "Do you want to focus on main meals? Desserts? Baked things?"

Eri doesn't know. All of them. "I'm not sure," he admits. He hopes this doesn't make her change her mind about helping him.

She's happy enough with the answer. "You'll find your preference," she replies. "If you want a future in cooking, you won't have one where you make everything. If you like baking the most, you might become a baker. If you prefer main meals, a chef in a restaurant. Desserts are a little more flexible. For now, you don't need a preference though. You're still young and have time to work this out."

Eri nods. He mentally notes down everything he's told. This woman is giving up her free time to help him and he's not going to mess about or not pay attention.

She points to the instructions on the counter. "Do you prefer to read and do, or watch and copy?"

Eri glances at the instructions. They are helpful, sure, but he'd prefer to copy as Sally does something instead. He quickly tells her this and she nods once more. She talks as she sets to work, explaining what she's doing and why.

Eri is fascinated by every word. When she measures out her ingredients, he does the same, glad that she's not watching him like a hawk. She's holding back, taking her time rather than going ahead and making them. She waits for him with each step, and Eri finds it easy with measurements and wonders if he's done cooking before, because there's something familiar about this.

She speeds up once she sees Eri is a natural at what he's doing. She still talks though, and Eri is glad. He wouldn't want to be doing it in silence. It seems like only minutes have passed since they started, and Eri stares at the uncooked cookies on the baking tray.

"Is this it?" he asks.

Sally nods. "A lot of chocolate chips," she comments, her lips curving up. "I see you plan to share these with the Lupins?"

Eri laughs. "Is Hope as bad as Remus?" he checks.

Sally shakes her head. "She loves chocolate, but no-one compares to Remus," she tells him. "I always make sure to keep a couple of cookies aside if I know he's coming into the hospital and I've made a batch. That boy… he could eat an entire chocolate shop."

Eri loves hearing other people talking about Remus. "I hope he'll like my cookies," he admits. "Hope and Remus have been so kind… I don't know how to repay that. But maybe doing nice things like making them cookies and stuff would be a good start?"

"People don't do kind things so they can get something in return," Sally replies, as she brings her tray to the oven. She slides it in and waits for Eri to do the same with his. Once it's in, she puts the timer on and closes the door. "Kind people do kind things without expecting anything. The world can be a nasty place, but if more people were like Hope, spreading kindness and passing it forward, perhaps there's hope for us after all. If we all do things just to get something in return, it defeats the purpose of being kind in the first place."

She smiles at Eri before continuing. "We live in a nice place. People are more kind than not here. Just try and do something kind for someone else in return, and it'll keep the world a nice place."

That makes sense. The Lupins showed this kindness to a stranger and it's meant the world to Eri. He doesn't have the words to express just how much. So he'll do his best to spread kindness too, because he wants to be worthy of the family that care about him.

Sally starts to talk about Hope and about how long they've known each other, but Eri dips in and out of the conversation, getting distracted. It's not until the ten minute timer goes off, that he moves, eager to see the results.

"We remove the trays and let them harden for a moment before moving them onto the rack," Sally explains, as she reaches for the oven gloves. "So… what are your thoughts so far?"

Eri watches as she removes the trays. His cookies aren't as round looking as Sally's cookies, but they are full of chocolate and he's sure Remus will enjoy them despite them being a little misshapen. He's quite proud of his first attempts and hopes they taste good enough.

"I like it," he says. "Thank you for showing me."

She smiles at him. "You're welcome," she says. She turns back to tidy her workstation and Eri quickly cleans his own up, eager to get back to his cookies. "I work down here, so if you have any questions, you're welcome to come down for a chat - but if it's busy, I might not be able to talk for long, so if you want to chat, just make it outside of mealtimes."

Eri nods. He's going to take Sally up on that offer. Right now he has no questions, but he's sure he'll have many more between now and starting his course.

* * *

**Hope you enjoy :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews :)**

**Sorry that this chapter is later than promised. I'll try and not take so long with the next one.**

* * *

**Have some Regulus/James**

* * *

Regulus glances over the top of the heavy tome, his gaze finding Potter a few tables away. Potter leans casually over one of the table and Regulus can't help but roll his eyes as he watches the dark-haired wizard attempting to charm the head-girl, Evans.

It's not working. That's nothing new and it certainly doesn't surprise Regulus in the slightest. It never works, not even the tiniest bit yet Potter never gives up.

He tries on a daily basis - sometimes he tries a few times a day, not that Regulus has been watching. Well, not for any reason to actually do with Potter, and not for entertainment. He takes no joy in seeing Potter's spirit get crushed time after time. He can't help but pity Potter instead.

His reasons are not because Potter is handsome because Regulus certainly doesn't notice that and definitely doesn't think about that when he's trying to sleep. He tells himself that his gaze is drawn to the Gryffindor so often because Potter is a complete mess. His tie is always askew as though he does it on purpose. That wouldn't surprise Regulus at all since Potter is constantly messing his hair up too.

Regulus reaches up to his tidy hair. He can't understand how someone would _want_ to be a mess like that, and finds himself wondering what James would look like if his tie was straight, if his shirt was tucked in and if his hair was tidy. He just can't picture it, but spends more time than he needs to even considering it.

Evans glares at Potter as she always does when he comes to bother her. He doesn't even have to speak these days, just be in the same vicinity as her. She looks completely pissed off that James is leaning on her table, getting in the way of her doing her work. Her glares are so terrifying that they actually put Severus Snape's own glares to shame. Regulus is vaguely aware that the pair were friends or something so it's possible they mastered that look together. It wouldn't surprise him.

It's clear to Regulus that Potter has no cool. If he had, he wouldn't be making a fool out of himself time and time again. Another thing that Regulus can't understand - didn't Potter's parents _explain_ how Purebloods should act? If _he_ acted this way, his parents would be sending displeased letters. Or worse - no letters at all. No letters meant that things were really bad.

He hears a book slam shut and continues to watch Potter. He can't seem to look away from what's happening and he's sure he's not the only one. Who wouldn't want to watch this? Who wouldn't find their gaze on James Potter as he leans sexily across the table like that?

Potter is from a good family. He's going to have his _pick_ of brides in the future - Regulus is aware of this the same way he's aware that he'll have such a good selection himself - thankfully none of his relatives are close to his age, which means he'll have a little bit more of a say in picking. But this is another reason he can't understand why James Potter is chasing Lily Evans with this amount of determination. She's just one girl of many. Potter might be completely terrible at his courting attempts, but there are a lot of girls willing to overlook that. Some girls even find his constant attempts romantic and Regulus is sure those girls are sneaking looks at Potter and envying Evans.

The glare turns into what Regulus can only describe as a murderous look, and Regulus feels even more sorry for Potter, even if he is bringing this on himself. Anyone else would have gotten the hint though.

He turns the page of his book absently, just in case anyone is watching. He doesn't want to be caught out because of something so simple.

Evans finally gives up. She slams her books into a pile and pulls her belongings into her arms. Regulus can't hold back his smirk as he watches Potter reach for the books, a clearly misguided attempt to be chivalrous which is clearly the worst thing to do judging by the look on Evans' face.

He watches Potter's lips move as he talks to her, probably offering to assist her, Regulus is guessing but Evans pulls the books firmly from his grasp, looking like she wants to cause him bodily harm of some sort.

"I'm more than capable of carrying my own things, Potter," she snaps loudly. Her voice carries over to Regulus, who watches the pair vividly. He sees Madam Pince rise from her desk, but not move towards the pair.

Evans seems to pale at the threat of the Librarian heading towards her and her lips move again, but her voice is quieter now. Regulus can't hear a word that she's saying and he's curious as to how things are going now. He lets out a sigh. He chose his table based on where Evans preferred to sit. He chose so carefully, knowing that he'd be able to hear Potter's conversation when he inevitably turned up to bother her. But today she chose a different table which just happened to be a little outside of hearing range and Regulus hadn't wanted to move seats. Moving seats would have been suspicious, it would have drawn attention to him. He's smart enough to stay in the background, even though things aren't going according to plan right now.

Evans quickly leaves the library before she can get into trouble and Potter isn't far behind. Regulus sighs and sets down the tome, attempting not to make too much noise in doing so. It's a heavy tome and his wrists feel a little tender for holding it at an angle for so long.

He wants to follow, to see more of Potter, but he doesn't. It's too soon and Potter might be suspicious. Then again, perhaps not. Potter only has eyes for Evans. Potter probably never even noticed him sitting at the nearby table. He tries not to let this bother him - if he allows it to, he's basically admitting that he cares. He doesn't care about James Potter.

But he has a situation and he needs Potter's advice and help. He needs to resolve this situation soon, but he doesn't want the Gryffindor to get suspicious.

He manages to wait fifteen minutes.

~O~

"You're following me."

Regulus freezes for a moment, trying to make sense of the situation. Slowly he turns, coming face to face with an amused James. It doesn't make any sort of sense. Yes, he had been following Potter during prefect rounds, but he had turned down a hallway only to find it empty. He can't work out how Potter had managed to get behind him like this. He knows for sure that the head-boy was in front of him less than a minute ago.

"I'm heading to the prefects bathroom," Regulus replies, crossing his arms.

"Then you're going in the wrong direction. Excuses like that only work when you haven't been in the castle for so many years." Potter smirks. "Wrong floor too."

Regulus frowns, trying his best to look believable. Was he that distracted by Potter that he has his floors mixed up? He'll be angry another time. Right now he just wants to get out of this without making a fool of himself because he certainly wasn't ready to approach or interact with James Potter just yet. He glances around, trying to work out what floor he's on, but it's not easy to do so in the dark. "I must have taken a wrong turn, if you'll excuse me."

He moves to pass James, but somehow the Gryffindor is taking up the whole corridor. Whilst Regulus tries to walk around him, he finds that he can't. Maybe he doesn't actually want to, because he's face to face with James, who he's never actually spoken to before.

"Admit it, you just wanted to get me alone," James teases, looking so completely smug as he jumps to this conclusion. "I don't blame you, Black. If I was anyone else, I'd want to get me alone too."

Regulus is disgusted at the very implication. "You think I _want_ you?" he says, so baffled as to how James came to this very idea, that he can't even do his derisive laugh. Is Potter under the impression that everyone fancies him? Just because he's handsome, funny and a complete mess, with his shirt still untucked. Regulus craves to be able to reach out and tuck that shirt in, but he puts his hands behind his back, linking his fingers together in hopes that he doesn't act stupid. He realises that he's going to have to tell Potter _something_ otherwise he'll be faced with the head-boy thinking that Regulus has a crush on him until school finishes. Even worse, it could be longer if they end up seeing each other outside of school. What if they end up working in the same place? He'll have to spend every day seeing James' knowing smirks.

"Well, the Astronomy tower is nearby. How about we head up there, watch the stars, have a snog?" James continues. He moves from the middle of the hallway, not blocking the way anymore, and Regulus knows that James is giving him space to walk away from this situation if he so chooses. He hesitates, his gaze on James who leans against the wall, watching Regulus intently.

As Regulus continues to hesitate, trying to work out what on Earth to do, James' smile begins to grow. Regulus lingering in the hallway seems to prove James' point and finally James reaches out his hand. "You coming with me?" He nods down the hallway towards the tower. "Or is this where we say goodnight?"

Regulus considers the offer. Not the snog, definitely not. He's not considering what it'd be like to kiss James Potter or to be the complete and utter focus on that intense look. His thoughts are certainly not going in that direction - he's more considering the idea of having a quiet place to talk to James - alone where they won't risk people overhearing. The portraits are known to gossip and the things he needs to talk about can't ever be spread around the castle. He's scared of even telling James, but he just needs to talk to _someone_.

And if someone did come to the tower, well, it wouldn't be strange for the head boy and a prefect to be found there, ensuring that it was empty.

"I need your help," he admits. The words don't come easily - Orion and Walburga act as though the Blacks are above asking anyone for help. Regulus has learnt too many lessons from his parents and it's hard to do something he knows they'd disapprove of. He's so used to learning to do things by himself, that asking for help never occurs to him as an option.

But he needs James. Maybe James can understand the difficulty behind the words? He hopes he does because there's only so much asking Regulus can really do before facing this situation alone.

James straightens up slightly. "You must really be desperate if you're asking _me_," he says curiously. "It must be bad. Don't you have friends?"

"I do," Regulus says. Barty can be considered a friend, and he has… well, he's not really close to anyone but he knows the entirety of his house. Orion has always made it clear to get to know people because they may come in useful in the future. Having good contacts is the best way to move forward in life.

"And you can't go to your friends," James muses. "So… let me get this straight. You've been following me - not to ask me something, because you'd have already asked if it was that simple. No, you're trying to... " he trails off in thought. "You're watching me - you've been doing it for a while, so you're trying to find out something about me." His gaze moves to Regulus again and Regulus tries to push down the weird sense of hope that filled him upon James' admittance at having noticed Regulus following him - at having noticed Regulus.

"It's something you don't like, or something you're ashamed about, which is why you can't talk to your friends. You haven't come directly to me yet because you're looking for… for dirt on me. Something to ensure I won't talk about whatever this is with anyone. Am I right?"

Regulus doesn't want to admit it, but James is pretty much spot on. "I'm not ashamed," Regulus bites out. "I just didn't know how to approach you." They both know that the last part of this is a lie, but James doesn't call him out on it any further.

"So…" James pushes.

"Let's just go to the damned Astronomy Tower," Regulus snaps, turning and leading the way. James quickly pushes away from the wall, raising his eyebrows. Behind Regulus, James falls into step with the prefect, taking a moment to run his hand through his hair, messing it up even more, before checking his breath.

"Eager, aren't you?" James mutters.

Regulus ignores him.

~O~

Regulus can't seem to get the words out. He's aware that Potter is watching him, waiting, and he now feels like the Astronomy Tower is not the right place for this conversation. It has certain connotations that they're clearly both aware of. Though Regulus has never come here for _that_ before.

They're sitting side by side and he's aware that Potter is watching him carefully. Their backs are against the stone wall, legs outstretched in front of them.

He's very aware of James' leg against his own. In fact, he can barely consider the real reason he's there because his focus is on the handsome wizard at his side. He never thought he'd end up in the Astronomy Tower of all places with someone, and certainly not with James Potter.

He's not sure if he can trust Potter with the secret. He doesn't actually trust anyone with it, but he feels so alone and needs someone who can understand, or someone to just talk to. James Potter… his mother's views on Squibs are the very reason he's chosen James Potter for this - because despite Potter being a clueless, lovesick pain with no skills at all the charm anyone, he's also smart, loyal to his friend, Peter, and stands up for the things he believes in.

James Potter treats everyone the same (except Snape), and if James was to find out about Sirius… well, Regulus wants to believe that James would offer advice and kindness rather than look down on him and his family like he imagines others would do.

"So… do you really need my help?" Potter asks softly as the minutes pass by in silence. "Because you're not actually asking anything… and if you needed something, there's a lot of empty classrooms or even the prefect's office. But we're here…" he trails off. "Do you want to try this again a different day, once you've thought about it?"

Regulus almost smiles. James Potter giving him a second chance to leave, but Regulus can't seem to make his legs work. When he turns his head, James seems to be even closer to him, but he's not sure if that's the case, or if James was always sitting so closely to him.

His eyes widen as he realises just how close they are.

"You're not saying anything," James notes. "But you're not leaving either…" he smiles once more, but it's not the smirk that Regulus saw in the hallway, it's a soft smile, a nice one. One that Regulus really likes. "You know what I think? I think that you just intended to get me alone. Unless… unless I'm reading this all wrong. I won't stop you from leaving if that's what you want, but I don't think I'm wrong about this. You've been watching me for a while, don't think I haven't noticed."

Regulus knows he should laugh at Potter. He should move away and claim he'd rather kiss a flobberworm. But he can't stop himself from staring into James' hazel eyes. He feels hypnotised by them and can't help but wonder how Lily Evans can resist this time and time again?

Regulus knows that if he leaves now, he'll never know what it's like to kiss James Potter. James could have _anyone_ and Regulus doesn't want to miss his chance. Even if it's just a single kiss, he wants this.

Regulus will be married off one day, he knows this and doesn't have a single doubt that his parents are already making a list - if they haven't already - and he doesn't want his first kiss to be with a stranger or someone he barely knows. He doesn't want it to mean nothing. At least by kissing James, he's making that one choice for himself. Let his parents choose his future, this is just a kiss.

James' hand comes up to his jaw and fingers gently trace his jawline. Regulus can't help but lean in to the touch, and he wonders why James' hands are so warm. They feel a little rough on his skin and Regulus vaguely wonders if its because James plays Quidditch, or if it's because of something else?

The fingers stop moving across his face, James' hand sliding up so he can cup Regulus' jaw. Regulus' eyes close and he can feel the anticipation that wraps around the both of them. "You want this?" James checks, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Regulus can feel James' warm breath on his lips. James is so close now and Regulus' heart is pounding hard in his chest. He can't quite remember how they got to that point. It's a big step from watching Potter in the library to the seconds before his first kiss.

He wonders if it'll be like he's imagined. Not that he's ever spent time imagining what it'd feel like to kiss Potter. Well, not too much time.

The first thing he notes is how soft James' lips are. Not that Regulus has anything to compare them to of course. They move so slowly and Regulus finds himself at a loss on how to respond. It's rare for him to be a novice at anything - when it comes to magic and his studies, he's always found that things came naturally. He's always felt confident in his knowledge and abilities.

But this… he doesn't feel confident in the slightest. None of this is coming naturally to him, and he's overly aware of James' hand slowly moving from his face, around to the back of his neck. James' other hand wraps around Regulus' waist.

His lips slow down even more and in his haze, Regulus tries to learn. He feels clumsy, awkward, but he's not stopping this kiss for anything.

James pulls Regulus closer, and Regulus moves as close as he can get. Closer is good. Closer means that James wants more of this. Regulus tries to get out of his own head. He knows he shouldn't overthink this, but can't help himself.

He tries to copy, to lose himself in the kiss. His own hands have a mind of their own as they find their way around James' neck. He likes this. Now he understands the appeal of a kiss, he knows he wants to do this a hell of a lot more.

The sound of the door at the bottom of the tower clicks closed. It's quiet, but the sound seems to echo up into the tower, and it snaps Regulus out of whatever spell he's under. He quickly pulls away, though James seems reluctant to let go of him. It only takes a moment for James to smile smugly at him, whilst Regulus moves into the shadows of the tower and away from James.

James' arms drop and he stares after Regulus. The smile fades and he looks a little lost now, something Regulus has never seen on James' face before. Suddenly there's a giggle on the stairs and James' focus turns in that direction. The lost look fades and he casually leans against the wall, arms folded.

A couple appear, two fifth years - a Ravenclaw and a Gryffindor. The pair spot James and quickly move away from each other, looking worried.

"Names?" James asks.

Regulus uses this distraction to leave the tower. The fifth-years don't even know he's there, but he glances back and notices James' eyes on him. James is watching his every movement and Regulus wants to go back, to be alone with Potter once more.

He tells himself he can't allow it. He can't be alone with Potter again. Somehow James Potter's charms have worked on him and Regulus can't let his guard down around the head-boy again.

As he moves quietly through the castle, his thoughts are on the kiss. The amazing, possibly life-changing kiss, and the confusion over how Lily Evans could constantly turn down James Potter. How could anyone not want James?

~O~

Regulus tries to stay away. It's hard work to do so, but he knows he needs to get his head on straight. Going there and snogging James Potter isn't going to get him help and advice for Sirius and he needs to remember his priorities.

He waits almost a week before following James once more. He's more careful this time, making sure that James is in front of him at all times as James does his rounds, checking out the castle. He doesn't think twice about following James into the Astronomy Tower.

He's not even sure why he's following James anymore. James _knows_ that Regulus is trying to get dirt on him, so he's certainly going to be careful in that regard. But it had made sense when he had set out earlier. Somehow.

"You can't stay away, can you?" James asks, moving to sit in their previous pats the space next to him. "Black, come out of the shadows."

Regulus steps out, watching James warily. He wonders how long James knew he was following, and if he came in here purposely, just to get Regulus alone. Regulus feels the anticipation settle over them, of what could possibly happen between them.

He steps from the shadows, but doesn't move closer. James relaxes against the wall, looking entirely too comfortable. Regulus doesn't sit yet.

James smiles. It's the nice one, the one that Regulus prefers. "I don't bite," James jokes. "I don't think you'd be into that… though if you say otherwise…" he trails off, wiggling his eyebrows.

Regulus frowns. "What makes you think I'm here because I'm interested?" he demands.

"You seemed interested last week," James points out. "I gave you chance after chance to leave, to walk away from what we both knew would happen because I wanted you to be sure that it's what you wanted. Now you're following me again, and if it's not because you want to get me alone, I'm not really sure why else." He shrugs slightly. "So I'm just going to sit here for a while. You can come and sit with me, or if you feel uncomfortable, you're welcome to sit somewhere else in the tower. We can repeat last week, or just talk. We can sit in silence if that's what you want. Or you're free to leave and I won't make a move to stop you."

"I don't feel uncomfortable," Regulus mutters, as his feet betray him, leading him over to the spot next to James. He tells himself he's not interested in James Potter (words that seemed to be more believable when he was in his dorm-room and not sitting next to said person). He certainly doesn't care that the Gryffindor kissed him in a way that made Regulus stay awake all night. James isn't the reason that Regulus has been obsessing over a kiss for a week.

"Maybe this'll make things easier," James offers softly. "I like you. I like kissing you. I really want to do it again - to keep doing it. But… I'm here if you're looking for something else. A friend, someone to talk to…"

This time, Regulus is the first to lean in for the kiss.

~O~

It's another week. Regulus learns over this period that the self-control he's always prided himself on just fades into dust at the thought of James Potter.

James has been on his mind constantly. Their eyes meeting from across the Great Hall, and he sees a hint of that soft, sweet smile, before something explodes and the James Potter everyone else sees is back, loud and obnoxious. Regulus knows why he likes that smile now. It's because he's never seen James smile like that at anyone else. It's _his_ smile, and it makes him feel special.

He's taken time to evaluate the relationship between them. He needed to work out why he's drawn to James. Regulus doesn't believe he's quite so shallow to care only about someone's looks, though that did lure him in initially. He does know that he wouldn't give James a second thought if James was nothing more than his looks, but there's so much more.

Now he's really looking, he's seeing how hard James works with the Quidditch Team, pushing the students to work harder, but James is also caring and compassionate. From what Regulus' can see, he doesn't push them harder than he thinks they can take. He takes time to talk to each of the players too.

He pays more attention to the pranks - less of which occur near him (as long as he stays away from Snape, that is) - and starts to consider the planning behind each one. Where he's never seen James crack a book open, he does realise that Peter isn't the genius behind these ideas. Peter seems to assist, but for what James achieves… Regulus realises how smart James must be to manage to plan, prepare and execute each prank.

There's a lot more to James Potter than he first thought, but the thing that he likes the most is that James doesn't have the expectations of him that others do. His family and friends all expect him to act a certain way, to be a certain person. James doesn't seem to do that. James _wants_ but doesn't expect. Regulus is always able to walk away from James, which James has made very clear. But Regulus knows that he wants to be there, in James' arms. In the Astronomy Tower. Just at ease, because he doesn't feel like the heir to the Black family when he's with James, he feels like he's his own person.

And the way James treats him - Regulus is really starting to feel as though he can trust James. Something he doesn't understand because they've only met properly twice now, and spent most of the time kissing. But there's just something trustworthy about the Gryffindor.

~O~

He returns. This time he's not following James, but he goes there anyway in hopes that James will turn up. James is barely a minute behind him, looking at him as though he knew Regulus will be there. He suspects that perhaps _he_ was the one being followed this time.

James strides over with some urgency, and Regulus quickly finds himself up against the wall. He hasn't expected this and he's sure his knees are shaking. He likes it, he's relishing in the way James is looking at him.

"Want this?" James checks. There's an edge of urgency, of desperation in his voice. "It's been a week."

"Only a week."

"Feels like longer. I thought you wouldn't come back."

"I want this," Regulus confirms.

"Don't toy with me," James insists, his lips inches from Regulus'. "Make your mind up soon. You either want this - with me, or you don't."

Regulus nods. "I… I want this," he repeats. He's never wanted anything more. He's aware that there's still a sliver of space between them, James still giving him space to move away if he's uncomfortable. He doesn't need that space between him and James. His hands move up, grabbing at the front of James' robes and pulling him closer.

James' lips are suddenly on his. Gone are the soft, tender kisses and Regulus immediately gets lost in the urgency of this one. If James' feelings are emerging in the kiss, than it really has felt like more than a week.

It feels that way to Regulus too. He's not going to wait this long again. He's already aware that he's got no self-control when it comes to James Potter, so why deny himself this happiness. James leaves Hogwarts at the end of the school year, so that gives them months together before their inevitable parting.

James presses into Regulus, his hand slipping around the Slytherin's waist, and Regulus' hands slide up from the front of James' robes, over his shoulders and settling around his neck. They're both aware that they're both trying to pull the other closer, but it doesn't seem to be _enough._

For Regulus at least, he's not used to being close to anyone. The most he got at home was a pat on the shoulder. He hasn't had a relationship or even a casual fling before. He's never even held hands. This physical contact is something new to him and he can't get enough of it. He craves more.

"This is just… just snogging, right?" he asks, pulling away. "It doesn't mean anything more. Just me and you… just us, snogging? Harmless fun?"

James' lips quirk upwards. "If you say so," he replies, clearly not believing Regulus' words. Regulus decides not to push it, instead he meets James' eager lips once more, aware of James' hand slipping under his shirt. He's not there to argue the semantics of their relationship - he's there because he craves James.

* * *

**5000 words**

**Hope you enjoy :)**


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